Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys
82James Dean- Image of an original bad boy
Opposites Attract
The "you complete me" love cliche transforms into "you excite me" when good girl meets bad boy. In a way, he is foreign to her; exciting, unpredictable. This combination will amount to a co-dependant, combustible couple with opposites being attracted to the other for all the wrong reasons. A good girl jumps in with no awareness of who she is dealing with while a bad boy has the art of manipulation down to perfection. He is excited by the prospect of a new "game" the good girl has to offer.
The truth is, typically the good girl picks the bad boy because of how he makes her feel; fascinating, needed, pursued, and good. He is a rush and a big, part charity case too- he's got a lot of issues and If she tames him or helps him, it will be the ultimate good deed. Of course it's not that simple. There are many other reasons a good girl is drawn to an irresistible bad boy.
Hero bad boy Mark Whalburg
#1 My Hero
The main male character in almost any movie has a lot of typical bad boy characteristics. To be a hero, chase the bad guy, and save the girl, you need manly characteristics, resourcefulness, and a willingness to do whatever it takes, even break a few laws. No hero conquers anything at the end of day by asking nicely with superior gentleman-like manners. Heroes act before thinking, exactly what bad boys are known for, and nice guys, well they get to be the "friends" or ran over in the high speed chase.
Just like we can't blame men for preferring the typical female body portrayed in the media, well women are just as susceptible to the traits in a male hero role. After all, didn't Princess Belle fall in love with the tyrant Beast in Beauty and the Beast?
In a typical movie, the main male character has to be interesting and engaging. The truth is a bad boy has faced more struggles and adversity, which makes for a more interesting, complex, and resilient person- the stuff movie roles are made of.
On the topic of characters and roles, a bad boy helps a woman escape her busy mind and become someone totally different. Good girls live under a heavy burden of expectations from others, always doing the right thing, saying the right thing and being pleasing. It's nice to simply not care and relax. Basically, bad boys are equivalent to a full body massage, a few shots of tequila, or a riveting romance novel scene.
Jack Nicholson- Charming womanizer
#2 Give and Take Needs
Good girls are pleasers and bad boys are takers- perfect example of opposites attract or yin and yang. In love, there is always the dealer and the addict- they need each other. Good girls have a natural instinct to give and nurture and not think twice about expecting anything back. In fact, it makes them happy to give to a guy who is good at taking- they feel needed. The bad boy may also require a little extra nurturing due to a rough past and inability to love deeply or unselfishly. He is used to being resourceful and using what he can to take what he can- a survival mechanism or maybe a game. Either way a good girl is a prime target; she never knows exactly what she is getting herself into.
Good girls find the good in everyone and even she sees the hurt little boy behind his bad boy facade. When she is with this guy, she is always thinking she will be the one to help him or "he only opens up to me", and somehow that will feel like a compliment. She won't give up on him as quickly as most people will. She gives him endless encouragement, feeding his needs and hers simultaneously.
Colin Farrell...Celebrity serial dater
#3. Bad Boys are Good...Looking, that is
Bad boys tend to be better looking- they put more effort into their appearance because they need to attract (bait) women. He knows he is good-looking and he knows people are watching him- he can be very aware and selfish. Even if a bad boy isn't totally gorgeous, his status ("Bad Boy") and attitude alone will captivate any woman. A bad boy image has been glamorized for ages, possibly before the Marlboro Man smoked his first cigarette.
Bad boys are good at attracting an audience- they have all the right superficial characteristics (boyish, assertive, mysterious) that seem exciting and alluring for a quick pick-me-up, and you will never get to know this guy beyond his pick-up line. He's a silent tortured soul and his looks state everything you need to know about him. All these traits can be intriguing to a good girl who hasn't been around too many people like him.
#4 Bad Boys Make Women Feel....
ALIVE! There is something about a nice guy that makes many women feel as if their life is over right then and there- it will be predictable and mundane forever. Bad boys are different- they make women feel sexy, exciting, and free. How enjoyable a woman's sex life is very dependent on how she feels about herself when she is around someone. Bad boys will make her feel more senses than anybody else.
Women's fantasies, movies, and romance novels are usually based on a rebel or bad boy- a smooth talking, confident, against all odds, survivor and fighter. All this makes women explore a different side to themselves as well as a secure feeling- he will be our hero and protect us. For a minute, it's like living in a romance novel; part hot sex and part drama. Ironically, we made need protection against him.
#5 Let me in
Bad boys are mysterious. Think of Johnny Depp, not necessarily classified as a bad boy- not with a wife and kids, but he has a quiet, artistic, somewhat tortured soul vibe to him. He is a mystery. Women love a good mystery.
If you want to know what a woman is thinking as she instinctively spots the bad boy in the room; "I wonder what his story is? Why is he that way? It's a mystery so I must find out". Bad boys always have layers to them- you'll be peeling that onion all your life. A bad boy may give her an awkward compliment or say something intriguing and this instantly draws her in. The mystery ensues.
Men love a good chase and hunt, but women love a good nut to crack, somebody to figure out, and even fix. She make a mystery out of nothing sometimes. Women love to make things difficult- it's the truth. We make mountains out of mole holes and mysteries out of thin air.
Reformed Bad Boy; Robert Downing Jr.
Reformed: Johnny Depp
Reformed or prior bad boys
There are a group of guys that fall into this category. Many good girls desiring to settle down, find themselves falling for a reformed bad boy, and getting married/starting a family with one. Some bad boys never become reformed and choose indefinite bachelorhood or trouble ultimately lands them in prison or dead. These are harsh facts, but I can give some credit to the bad boys that find their way out and become a better man for it.
However, one must be equally cautious in relationships with them as well. They can revert back to their old ways easily, they have a hefty amount of baggage; many ex girlfriends, trouble with the law, kids from other women, maketheir own rules, chip on their shoulder, and quick to anger. Bad habits die hard.
Tommy Lee- Rocker bad boy
Signs of a Bad Boy
1. Appearance, appearance, appearance! Tattoos, piercings, smirk, extra sharp well-dressed OR extra tattered rough clothing.
2. Attitude- vague answers, aloof demeanor, and confident/cocky.
3. Addictions- alcohol, drugs, smoking, women, violence/fighting, dares, speed/fast cars, etc
4. Stands out in a crowd- attracts a crowd or remains by himself, either way is intriguing.
5. Make their own rules.
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Me too (good girl though)
As long as good girls have the sense to love bad boys and marry the good ones, that's OK :D
I almost mentioned that in the hub- so that good guys don't think they have the bad deal. Women may initially go for the bad boys, but eventually and hopefully marry the good guys.
Hi izetti - sorry I couldn't resist that - let's face it - bad boys are soooo exciting! But they make such lousy husbands :D
Your Hub is the best possible description of situation. Well, I am still deeply in love with the "bad boy of my life", but I am living with "the good one" instead. And love him as well. I am grateful to the "bad boy" for many, many great lessons learned, one of that is pure unconditional love. Everyone of us is wearing the mask, sometimes good one, sometimes bad one. My good boy was at the certain period worse then "bad boy". Everything is relative. "Bad boy" is just playing the role in which he feels more secure.
Thumbs up for the really great Hub!
Hi
It's OK, no mention about BAD girls
Shalini kagal- yes some valuable lessons and fun times can occur when dating bad boys. Have we all had our experience with them?
I understand tatjana-mihaela. I am a good girl who loved bad boys and ended up marrying a former bad boy.
Nisar I don't even know where to start with bad girls- they scare me.
Hi izettl,
Great hub well explained bad boys take advantage of girls because they are so innocent.
What happens, When a girl goes bad--men go right after her. Mae West
"It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time." Tallulah Bankhead
"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere." Mae West
I love "Jack Nicholson" movies & he is a great actor. I believe he is not what you wrote above his picture. Do you remember watching "Something's Gotta Give" it's very funny I can't stop laughing. Here are the links you can watch some clips to refresh your memory.
Something's Gotta Give
Judging by your name (MR nice guy) you can't be a bad boy. I love that quote about keeping diaries. Yes, Mae West was possibly the original bad girl, but so much more classy about than the bad girls of today.
I am what I am- I had a brief period in my life when I sorta turned bad, but it took too much effort, which told me that's not who I am. I'm more of a bad girl verbally and psychologically than acting out (as bad girls are known for). Tattoos, peircings, addictions get too expensive, but mouthing off and reverse psychology are free.
...and I am a BIG Jack Nicholson fan. He has been known to break some hearts off screen and women will say he can sweep any woman off her feet. His "sister" (who was actually his aunt- a strange family arrangement) say he is a lady's man.
As Jack said in the movie, "Mars Attacks!", 'Why can't we all just get along?"
I was always amazed at the losers that attractive girls picked out. If only they were like Jack, but instead these guys were just drug using, mean spirited pits of low self esteem. Thanks for answering some of the psychological questions about why a beautiful, otherwise intelligent woman, bound for success, seems to be attacted to the lowest common denominator!
Well put Tom- I couldn't have summed up a bad boy better.
Jack is classy, confident and unique. He is known to be the lady's man but a couple of these comments so far suggest he shouldn't necessarily be included in the bad boys club. I'm starting to agree.
Hey I had a bad boy once...and I think I married him, and I'm STILL with him! OMG- How does that happen??? I'm a good girl, (with some bad habits!)But I have the patience of a SAINT! (OBVIOUSLY!!!) I still love him the same. Honestly, I probobly wouldn't like him if he was any different. Lesson learned!
MamaDragonfly2677- more power to you. Sometimes those bad boys are too thrilling to let them go or sometimes you wear them down enough to marry. Go figure...but like you say I bet patience is a key factor.
Oh yes...especially when it comes to him!
I am guilty too lol.Great hub.
As long as good girls have the sense to love bad boys and marry the good ones, that's OK :D
It seems like dating a bad boy is a rite of passage- it can be fun!
Great hub. I'm a good boy & I know that not all the good girls have been corrupted by bad boys, so I'm hanging out for one of them! A real good girl! :)
marcofratelli- the true good girls are probably the ones who haven't had a bad boy. best of luck to you, they're out the there so don't settle for less!
This hub is on target.
Thanks Nickny79- you must be a bad boy!
This was an intelligent analysis of the bad boy phenomenon. one point though: what is the benefit for a good guy to marry a girl who has had her fun with bad boys and now wants him to pick up the tab? It will show in so many ways that he is not the woman's first choice. So what does the woman who has given free and easy sex and comfort to bad boys ( while ignoring, rejecting or torturing good guys) have to bring to the table when they decide to get with a real man? That type of duplicity is turning off more and more men and leading them to more emotionally stable and intelligent women. In this sense, women, through second generation feminism, have picked up a bad behavior that was once only found in males: the 'date a whore, marry a virgin' phenomenon. Similarly, 'have sex with the bad boys, marry the nice guy'.
Good Comment dasboot66~
A good guy should marry a woman based on love, their relationship (not his or her past), and their committment to each other and like minded goals. If the woman, whether or not she has been with bad boys, has nothing to "bring to the table", then she is not the right person for that particular "real man". And if you truly love someone, their past shouldn't matter.
You forgot men's "Date a blonde, marry a brunette". There are all sorts of phenomenas out there. What I tried to discuss in this hub was based more on "GOOD GIRLS who love bad boys", not bad and easy girls who love bad boys. If the girl gives out "free and easy sex" (as you say) then she is not a "good girl".
The reason why these phenomena ("date a whore, marry a virgin") exist is because some people are not ready for a committment, but want intimacy, so it's natural to pick someone who is "easy" or "bad" because consciously or not, you may not be ready for someone decent. I didn't sacrifice my morals by dating bad boys, but I dated them during a time in my life when I wasn't ready for a "good" or decent, level-headed guy.
I was considered a good girl when I was younger because: A)I didn't sleep around, B) Bad boys were my only bad habit, and C) I didn't get in trouble- or do anything to get me in trouble. "Goody two shoes" was my label, because I waited quite a while to have sex initially and continuously in each of my relationships, but I was still infatuated with bad boys and dated them. Bad boys were everything I wasn't and I could vicariously experience some of these things by dating one.
Bad boys have the courage to ask a girl out, so in this case many good guys go undated- not us women's fault.
Here's another thing about bad boys, they are usually co-dependent. Someone who is co-dependent will put up with a lot, including not getting sex, to be with the person they "love" or have to have. Some bad boys I dated would run away once they found out I wouldn't sleep with them immediately, but many others stayed and waited. Sometimes if other people just assumed we were having sex, that was enough to make the guy happy. I recognize it now as not a healthy relationship, but how many of us had healthy relationships when we first ventured into the dating world. Now I'm married to an ex-bad boy and I've had to "pick up the tab" for some of his past. So it goes both ways.
I guess my main point is that the guy who engages in socially appropriate behaviors while getting to where he needs to be in life (no drugs, obeys rules, doesnt hurt people , is nice, has goals, etc..) gets no comfort or attention from women who in turn reinforce "bad boys" with their attention, etc. So what does this say to guys? That they have to be bad to get attention from women? Apparently so.
In future relationships, this dynamic creates inequity. The women who had her fun, had it easier than the good guy who had no reinforcement from women. The women in this situation had it easy, dating badboys etc as she sees fit. During that time, the good guy goes without any significant female validation. Then the women saddles up to all his stability and competence latter in life. Doesn't work in my opinion.
And where is the good guy in your story? You still got with a bad boy, albeit ex-bad boy, even though you have to 'pick up the tab' at times. I suspect you call him an ex bad boy just because you tamed him enough for him to marry you. I respect that, because at least you are consistent. I find it disengenous for a women to get with a good guy only after mistakes have practically ruined her life. Thanks for your comments/discussion.
dasboot66~ Yes I understand your point- and you make a good one. Many girls, including myself, got validation from being with bad boys because they're usually a little more needy and jealous and protective- to many girls that's validation.
My husband/ex-bad boy got tamed, to be honest, because he went to jail for a year (about 6 years before I met him), and that scared him straight so he was on the right path for a while before I met him.
Men who have their head on straight/good guys, sometimes seem that they don't need anyone else. We women like to nurture people, including our men. Bad boys need the most "help" and nurturing.
The good guys in my story were all my friends- some of them I would have dated if they asked me, but I was too shy to ask them- being a "good girl" I thought women don't ask men out. I guess what I learned is you have to be "good" for yourself and not some reward at the end. like getting yourself a good and decent girl with not too many issues. Funny part of my story is I purposely did things good, including not sleeping with over a certain amount of guys so that one day I met my husband, he would value and appreciate me. So I end up marrying a guy who could care less how many guys I've slept with or if I was a good or bad girl. Sometimes that bugs me because I took pride in being good and I found out it is my own reward, nobody else really cares.
Thanks for the good read. Damsels in distress seem attracted to "Bad" Boys. :)
I am guilty (good girl) I wish I knew why I find the bad boys/jerks/assholes so attractive. I mean I have a lot of theories but...the important thing for me is how can I just get over this?
I know it's not healthy. At all. I know it. So why do I like to purposely throw myself at their feet? It's like I want to be stepped all over I think? I don't know. I just wish I knew what I can do to actually stomp out this bad habit for good :s
Thanks Dr Nancy
Linda~
The mental part: Most of the time, seeking bad boys has to do with not wanting a committment. I know you are probably thinking you do want a committment and a normal relationship, but the whole good girl bad boy scenario occurs because there is an attraction- not just physical. You are attracted to a guy who is not usually mentally mature, giving, committed, or considerate. So now you have to decide why you are attracted to those types. It takes a lot of soul searching and reflection- trust me I went through it.
The physical part: Bad boys are easily accessable and a little more outgoing- unfortunately most good guys are at home watching a movie all alone instead of drinking it up at the bar like a bad boy. Try going out with or dating guys you are not initially attracted to. You may even have to ask them out because some good guys are shy. Sometimes the habit aspect of bad boys is like a drug because you get used to feeling immediate attraction and you mistake it for love.
When we talk of dating those "bad boy", folks make it sound as if girls cant help themselves as though they have fallen "under the spell". These so called bad boys make sure they are available...and the girls make sure they are available. Do you seriously think they want to have a "relationship". You have got to be kidding me. This "attraction" is in a physical realm. Any "good guy" can be the "bad boy". Come closer...closer said the spider to the fly.
Many women do try to have a relationship with bad boys. Sometimes it's because they've chosen bad boys in the past when they weren't ready to settle down and then they keep on picking that type even when they are ready to settle down. Sometimes women try to fix them as if they will be the ones to make them settle- it's kind of a challenge ( I fell into this department). Good guys fall in love so easily (boring) and I always hated that whereas bad boys were a bit harder. Like I said in the hub, bad boys have typical characteristics of a lot of male roles on hollywood's big screen. Some bad boys are very deep and have many interesting layers to them, which make them interesting to many types of women. The aloof part helps because it attracts a woman and keeps them coming back. When you meet a good guy, they tell you their life story and you know them in one night.
...well done :}
Top 15 Celebrity Character Bad Boys...see if you agree!!!
Well, you certainly explained this oft times misunderstood syndrome very well. I enjoyed reading this piece. I suppose I was a bad boy at one time—rock musician, the brooding type, wild at heart. Never got into tatoos or body mutilation—thankfully before my time. Thanks for this pleasure.
James~ thankfully no tatoos or piercings. No kidding. I could see your status as bad boy back then- maybe a little now too because of your fearless writing. "wild at heart"- good description of a bad boy characteristic.
fully agree with this...
The likely problem is two fold as far as I can tell.
Good guys rarely have the guts to ask out a girl. I am guilty of this. I have jumped out of a plane, travelled across the country on a bicycle, and done many other crazy things, and yet am still too afraid to ask a girl out. I don't quite know why.
The other issue is society portraying gender roles. Women are taught not to pursue and ask the guy out. It makes me rather angry. A very good looking guy may get asked out once in a blue moon, but all it takes for an average looking girl to be asked out is a walk to any social venue.
There is little denying girls have it pretty easy in that respect, and it is the biggest barrier to break through for most people.
And, I suppose touching on society a bit, I am never quite sure when it is socially acceptable to ask a girl out. I dont go to bars or clubs, I have them. I dont drink and I rather dislike ultra loud music. Where else is there?
Paul~ I know what you mean. I think it's hard to ask girls out in regular situations, and mostly because of all the bars, clubs, online sites, etc. it's made it non-traditional to ask a girl out at a grocery store, which used to be normal. Go figure. I don't know how online dating is nowadays but I got to a point in my life that I didn't want to go to bars and I had a lot of luck doing online dating. But life is short and I think if you really feel an instant casual connection with someone at a grocery store or anywhere, just ask them out. People do things they aren't comfortable only when the reward may be better than the temporary discomfort so ask a girl out!! I asked a guy out once and it was so hard but I really liked him and ran into him often at his work palce and the gym so it's possible to connect with someone in regular circumstances.Think about your interests- do you goto church, do you like the outdoors (there are single groups that do outdoors stuff), etc. good luck.
Excellent hub Laura, I'm slowly but surely catching up on your past hubs.
I don't know if I am or was a bad boy or not. I mean I have a good heart, but I've always been fast, and I'm still an adrenalin junkie. I used to think I couldn't exist without being in the middle of a party, but with the exception two, my girl friends have always been "nice girls," and I always got that nice girl bad boy thing. I talked to an old girl friend from my high school, college days last year when I went back home to do a reunion gig with my old band. She said girls liked me because they knew it would be exciting to be with me and a girl knew she could feel safe. This bummed me out because I thought it had something to do with my love making. Oh well ...
tmwnp~ excitement yes, and safety for sure. Maybe that goes back to cave days- we need a man to "protect" us. In high school my boyfriend held the record for getting in fights. I thought that was "safe" and great but I was silly and young- false sense of security. I was a "nice girl" and I spent way too long attracted to bad boys. There's just something about you guys- lol. You were probably a bad boy, I could see that rocking the boat the way you do on here sometimes. Speaking of rocking the boat..."something to do with lovemaking"- ha you crack me up. Aren't bad boys supposed to be confident, inlcluding their bedroom skills? Hmmm.
Legends in our own minds dear!
You wisely analized the protection thing. I once beat a guy senseless that Ididn't even know in a bar one time for slapping his own girlfriend. In the long run my cave man mentality caused me to lose probably the only girl I'll ever love in the way a man's supposed to love his woman. (Highschool Sweet Heart and a year and a half after) I was so protective/jealous, my own friends didn't want to be around me, and were very nervous about me comming to parties with her because you could pretty much count on me jumping on some poor dudes ass for talking to her. My best friend and I were talking about the old days the other night, and he said I was so out of control in those days that they (my buddies) weren't thinking about how long I was going live in terms of years, but in terms of months. Funny, I just don't think a young man knows how to handle a portion of love that size.
tmwnp~ Oh yes I knew your type. My h.s boyfriend was the same so when we broke up (mutual) right before senior year, you can bet no guy asked me out. We were broken up and he still threatened them. I made a lot of good friends during that time though.
Well I'm glad your buddies were wrong and you lived past however months they were giving you crazy guy. You have learned and became wiser for it and now you are able to help and inspire a "nice girl" like me out. Life is ironic.
Great hub! Although I do think that some women can be ruined by bad boys. Even when the woman finds the nice guy to marry, the sex life may suffer because she misses the wild fulfilling sex she had with the bad boys. I faced this in my own marriage. I am the good nice guy who was always passed over in favor of the bad boy. I met my wife at the age of 36 and she was a year older. She had already been through many bad boys and a failed marriage to a husband that cheated on her. It was obvious that I could never match the thrills she had with the bad boys. Even when I have tried to be "bad boy" in bed, it didn't go over well. I guess because women know that you will revert to the nice guy again afterward. Many times when I would introduce new exciting things into our sex life, my wife wasn't that into it. I guess her thought was "been there done that" and you can't match what they did. She has even mentioned some sexual things that she did with them but will not do with me. Wow, that hurts! So all the good frequent sex mr nice guy has waited for all went to the bad boys before him. Mr nice guy loses again!
mr nice guy~ Sex between nice guys and bad boys I guess is different, but mostly how we (women) feel about ourselves when we are with them. We feel less uninhibited. I think it has more to do with the situation- like involvement of alcohol, casual relationship, experimenting, fast lifestyle that makes the sex better- not really the sex or the bad boy himself that is better. Your wife probably wants you to be yourself. I have another article about How Nice Guys Can Get the Ladies and one of my tips is to be themselves. Many nice guys make the mistake of trying to be a bad boy or someone they are not, which makes them look like they lack confidence. Ironically on of the attractive features about bad boys is their confidence so just be yourself- your wife picked you for a reason.
Very good reading. I've known for years that girls love a challenge, and being selfish is the ultimate challenge. A girl will think that she can "tame you" and that is part of what attracts them to bad boys. I'm not sure being bad is the main attraction for women though, instead I believe that someone who is mildly selfish and does not put a women on a pedestal is more prized than nice guys who tell a woman "you are pretty" all the time. Maybe part of the reason is the novelty factor - but you still have to have a little bit of wit about you.
I'm quite sure that being told this gets old fast for women who are even slightly blessed with good looks.
Just an opinion :)
"your wife picked you for a reason"
Yes she did Izetti, to produce the beautiful children we have. She knew I was the nice guy who would make a great faithful husband and father. Trouble is, I do not think she was ever really sexually attracted to me. She strongly denies it but a person can tell when their partner is "just there" to perform "their duty". The most frequent sex was when she was trying to get pregnant. Then the long droughts again. But she will never admit that she married me for the wrong reasons.
"Mr nice guy"~ You are probably right why your wife picked you and it may not be for the glamorous reason of unbridled sex, but rather for starting a family. I suspect this plays a big role in why people get divorced often- it seems people pick a different person for each major stages in their life. What happened to going through ALL the life stages with one person? It just doesn't happen much anymore. OK back to the topic, you need to look at the positive of being a nice guy instead of it being a negative thing. When you try different antics in bed, she may be done with that type of sex and lifestyle and is rejecting that rather than you. Mabye when she met you, she was already experiencing a decline in sexuality and sex drive.
On a personal note, I dated younger men (my preference) until I was ready to settle down, get married, etc. Now after having kids I find myself missing the boyish fun that younger men offered. I think it is great my husband is responsible, mature and supports us. I also realize I'm not as young anymore and would I really want all that back- yes, for about one day, then I'd want this life back. That being said, it doesn't mean you have no sex appeal, it just means your wife needs to see you in a different light other than husband and father to kids. It doesn't mean she has never been attracted to you because relationships that start out with immediate attraction still end up in big droughts in sex. I started out very attracted to my husband, but now it is an effort, like everything else in a relationship.
When you say your wife married you for the wrong reasons, starting a family isn't the wrong reason, t just shouldn't be the only reason so I see some of your point there. Have you asked her why she married you? And why did you marry her?
"Bradley Bolsch" You bring up some interesting points especially about selfishness and pretty women getting tired of hearing the same compliment. Could be self-esteem. I'm decent looking and when a guy told me I was pretty, it made me feel uncomfortable. I disliked it for many reasons: not thinking they were genuine, hearing it often, wanting to be something other than "pretty", and secretly being afraid I would not live up to being put on a pedestal. I knew there were nice guys throughout my life that had "crushes" on me and seemed to put me on a pedestal, but I always thought what happens when you see me at my worst or find out I'm not perfect so I thought they were not genuinely seeing me for who I really was. A bad boy would often say something almost demeaning so it would be a challenge to refute him. They easily pick up on women's insecurities. Your opinion was right in many aspects- thanks for stopping by.
"Have you asked her why she married you? And why did you marry her?"
Oh yes, I have asked her many times and always the same answer. She swears it was out of love, attraction(sexual), and my personality. Me wanting children and my religious faith was also a big factor. In my opinion it seemed to be the major factor for her. She denies it but she stated once that she would not have married me if we couldn't have children. We wasted no time as she got pregnant on our honeymoon. So we had no time to enjoy being husband and wife before being thrust into parenthood. We didn't have much intimacy before marriage as we were both working full time and I was working on my Master's Degree at night. She was almost 39 when we got married so I can understand the tiredness, hormones, post partum, age and other things that affected our sex life causing the droughts. Then she went into perio-menopause and is now I think done with actual menopause. A big factor is she went into perpetual mommy-mode after our first child. She did finally admit to neglecting me for all those years. Not only the sexual part but for just not being there as a wife, only a mother. I do believe she is telling the partial truth about all the factors that caused her not to want much sex. But, it doesn't explain why she was always there in body, but not in mind. More like it was a duty, boring, and she would rather be doing laundry, cleaning, or something. After a while, even years, her reasons for rejecting sex just become excuses.It was also obvious the times she did things to avoid sex. She expects me to believe that she has always been sexually attracted to me and has always enjoyed our sex life. Makes no sense to me. If you enjoy something don't you want to do it more?
I married her for all the important reasons. I love her with all my heart and was and still very attracted to her. I don't know maybe I came across as too needy for desiring her so much, and not just sexually. I am not nor ever was controlling or clingy. Actually she is more of a controlling type of person. But my thought is there are probably wives out there who would die for a husband who desires them greatly. I did make her upset by telling her I thought she purposely and consciously withheld/avoided sex from me. She strongly denied it.
Sweet and Precious Izetti @))>,,--``--
I was googling BADBOY/GOODGIRL Quotes and started to read this super cool Hub of yours. You are smart, funny and quite interesting. So, I kept reading and reading. I adored all replies etc... I'm considered Intellectuel, Funny and confident. I surely have a healthy balance of Good/BadBoy in moi : )~ What is important for the wonderful ladies reading those lines is to remember that there are Good guys out there that certainly can be your Gentleman in Public and promptly become your the best badboys ever when needed (i.e. in the bedroom, shower, living room and while attending a super hot evening in Club or/and during social parties held by your friends). Yes, I got Tribal Tattoos, I have a charming, very Manly and confident look but, I respect and worship all the ladies out there. Respect, Loyalty, Integrity is my number one priority. There are two kind of Badboys (i.e Nightmare Badboys and Super Sexy Respectful and down to earth Badboys). The latest is the favorable option for those beautiful, irresistable Goodgirls out there if you are considering this super sexy, mysterious, exciting adventure to date those Badboys Type of Men. The ones that love you for who you are. The ones that worship you in front of their friends. The ones that doesnt control you and are always there for you when you need laughters or when you need them for comfort and security. The ones that when in your company, keep the Annoying and Disrespect Men away from you when they make those looks to them stating (back off, she is taken, she is all mine). A Suitable BadBoy is intellectuel, strong, respectful, none controlling. He is happy when you are happy and doesnt get into jealousy which is the essence of drama. Well, maybe I'm one of the rare one out there that have the good/bad in me but yes, there is two kind of badboys and it is essential for the good girls to select the (Good)Badboys. I would like to complete my reply by stating to the sweet, adorable, passionate and wonferful Goodgirls out there that please, ensured that this badboy of yours will not turn to an abusive, controlling, bother criminal minded monster. Be vigilant and when you find a Real Badboy that Respect and worship you...Have fun, feel sexy, feel free, be loved and enjoy this pleasant, sensual ride of being under the wings and attention of this badboy of yours. (Sorry for the typos...Im French Canadian : )
Thank you so very much for this Hub...It was a pleasure to read and as always, Im learning more and more about Women behaviours, dreams and set of mind...so it was totally adorable and super sweet to read. Muahhsss on your cheek Sexy Izettl..Have a Beautiful Day Babygirl (wink)
"Mr nice guy" When you say "there are probably wives out there who would die for a husband who desires them greatly". Yes and no. We would also like a chance to desire our husbands. Sometimes they are overwhelming with desire that we don't get a chance to fantasize or think about them. I know that when my husband backs off a little, I desire him more. It just gives me a chance to be a hunter. A lot of women who like bad boys, like the challenge. I told my husband a quote from a song by an ultimate bad boy. You may not have heard of him, Tupac Shakur, but he was a rapper and in one of his songs about being a bad boy (called "I Get Around) was a line "I don't want to think it's that easy". The rule of desire is people desire what they can't have in almost all facets of life. Play a little hard to get, although I don't know if you and your wife flirt at all or go out together. If you don't, quite possibly your lack of sex is just routine now.
On motherhood and hormones- so much happens to a woman's body during these times. Timing is off when it comes to motherhood. I get my second wind after our toddler goes to bed, which is after my husband is asleep too so not much sex happens on this routine. Many women put everything into raising kids. Did you ever force her to take breaks from being mommy? If you ask women if they need a break, most will say no so you have to push it. "perpetual mommy-mode" I can totally relate too. I stay at home. Did/does your wife stay at home with the kids?
Also not as many women purposefully withhold sex as men may think. It's not one-sided. You may have said something or done something hurtful to her or she may not feel desired mentally by you. If you two don't have conversation flowing or sharing interests, sex will also be lacking. But you never told me why you married her?
I have never really pressured my wife for sex. I have pressed her for honest answers about our lack of sex, which I believe I deserve. Of course I was met with some hostility and all the excuses I mentioned before, tiredness being the main one. I asked my wife for years to talk to her doctor (gyno) about the hormone issue, as she stated that was a big factor. She never did, leading me to believe she just didn't care or actually knew that hormones were not the real issue. I have tried backing off and acting aloof, like I could take it or leave it. It takes her sometimes weeks to even notice. She never realizes how long it's been. If I have mention that we haven't had sex in weeks/months, she would swear it hasn't beeen nearly that long. To me a sure sign of someone with little drive and no interest. So it comes across to me that she is/was never sexually attracted to me. Something tells me that she would love to have sex, just not with me. She probably pines for one of those bad boy jerks she had before.
I married her because I loved her with all my heart. I am very attracted to her still in every way. Her faith and strong values were also reasons.
Thanks so much for all your thoughts and insights!
"Archangel" you are a smooth talker. Problem is, as someone before you commented, a lot of women have heard it all before. I wouldn't know if you are sincere or not. I have no doubt you get the ladies, and what type of guy you say you are is great. Essentially you're the male equivalent to the desirable type of woman; a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed. I don't think you need all the smooth talking though. Respect is big, but people have to earn it too. Overall, you sound like a great guy who has a lot to offer a woman.
Good afternoon Sweet Mademoiselle Izettl,
I'm just a genuine Sweet Guy that really look up to ladies and I truly assisted alot of women when they encountered issues and when they were hurt in relationship. I like to provide guidance and usually, my assistance truly make a difference in their life. Most of my friends are ladies and I feel really comfortable to talk to them on every giving subjects. They like my personality, my gentleman manners and badboyish image. With affirmation, I surely speak sweetly in the company of mademoiselles, but it is surely due to my DNA Mapping and my French Heritage. I'm the "go to" Male perfect companionship. I don't judge and I care so much about the feelings and welfare of my dear friends. It may sounds over confident but if you would talk to my friends, they will sure attest that I am as real as it gets.
Your comments about that " a lot of women have heard it before " is always the first reaction when they meet moi. But, after a few days (at work, during coffee breaks, during functions)the goodgirls truly realize that (wowwwww) this guy is for real (i.e. confident, very funny to be with, respectful and always made them feel special). In summary, I truly believe that Badboy/Gentleman's merged personality truly exist.
I wish you a fabulous weekend to you, friends and family. I also wish you the best in all your projects and surely, you will be successful to complete them in an outstanding manner due to your tenacity, alive personality, professionalism and passion to assist others.
Muahsss on your cheek!!! You are too adorable : )
Beuh Bye.........4 now....
@))>-,--`-- From a 45 Years Old ArchAngel working for the Department of National Defence.
"archangel" you have the advantage of being friends with women- that's a great way to know and appreciate women. I also believe bad boy and gentlemen traits can coincide, but that is what's usually called a womanizer- like Jack Nicholson. He has a way with the ladies and is a rspectful gentleman, just not able to KEEP a lady or perhaps he doesn't want to be tied down. Sounds like you are single and I'm sure that triggers doubts in women too. "If he's so good, why is he single"? I bet you are a blast to be with and it's fun reading your comments.
"Mr nice guy" it may not be hormonal for your wife; sex or lack of desire is usually mental for women. It's almost a habit or conditioned response for what turns a woman on. Women are only able to orgasm certain ways and this is also highly mental. If your wife remembers the best sex she had being with some bad boys, then it's obably ingrained in her that is what's enjoyable and how to enjoy sex. It's an escape let go mentality for women. Bad boys help us escape and let us be uninhibited. Other things that work is alcohol, a great sensual or full body massage concentrating on legs, and fantasies in our head, like from steamy romance novels, etc. This all helps, but you wife has good values you say and that can be part of an issue. I have always been a good girl and tha's why bad boys are attractive- we can be someone we're not and escape our constant awareness of what's "good" and "bad".
I think you are right your wife may want sex, but not with you. That's a valid struggle effecting many married folks. Although you are blaming this struggle yourself for not being the type of guy she is attracted to. But like I said in my last comment, many couples who start out hot and heavy for each other, dwindles down to a low simmer after a couple of years. I can attest to this one in my own marriage. But some of those tips above, about what helps a woman escape, work for me- may work for your wife. You can't make someone be attracted to you, but plenty of couples go through what you are who were initially both attracted to each other in the beginning. It's really about making the effort to keep some of that alive. But that means effort and motivation- two things your wife doesn't have right now. I don't know what will convince her. Have you tried browsing Laura Berman's website- I don't have the link handy, but she deals with couples and sex and especially on how to get the women back in the game.
Good day Sweet Izetti,
I was busy busy busy and just read your comment today : )
Oh my my...I'm married and so happily. She is my everything and I have a beautiful daughter that is turning 19 years of age. Due to my career, of course I'm always away from home, but I can attest that I remained faithful for the past 23 years and proud to be her Man. This is the reason why that when I socialize with the ladies, I ensure that they know that I'm taken and that I have no hidden agenda. This is all about respecting women and oh my my...they are so precious to be around...I adore the mysteries, the fact of learning about them and giving them guidance and support when needed. Have a superb weekend Pretty Girl and keep on smiling..You are beautiful inside and out.
xoxoxo Muahhsss on your forehead and enjoy your weekend with your love ones.
From Moi...The ArchAngel from Canada (wink) lol
Most women do like these so called "bad boys". If you are not one of them then you will likely have some trouble attracting women on a regular basis. That is just an unfortunate aspect of the world we live in. I am one of the beleaguered "nice guys" and found out the hard way that women prefer men who are confident, dangerous etc. It took me years to realize that none of this matters. What matters is compassion, honesty, intelligence, humility and all of the things that make us sentient beings. If women can't see past a person's shy exterior then they are not worth a damn. Take a walk in the woods or climb a mountain, experience true beauty and explore the wonder of this world we live in. Nice people should not have to transform themselves into assholes so they can have relationships with women. The ability to recognize beauty in ourselves and the world around us is what makes us unique. These jerks that admit to sleeping with people’s wives and girlfriends are not human beings, they are animals.
Bob~ thanks for your comment. You said you would not change yourself into an "asshole" to have more women. Most nice guys transform themselves into 'too nice guy', overdoing it, and women pick up on the lack of authenticity. Bad boys are refreshing because what you see is what you get. I think it's great you don't want to change yourself, and that's a huge attribute. Women who only date bad boys aren't worth your time anyway, but women who are open-minded will appreciate you. You are right, there is nothing glanorous about what bad boys do and how they hurt others.
I almost mentioned that in the hub- so that good guys don't think they have the bad deal. Women may initially go for the bad boys, but eventually and hopefully marry the good guys."
Bullshit, good guys end up getting 2nd helpings and having to take care of bad boys children.
Oh, and 'good guys' are not boring as hell, or quiet and reserved, like some people seem to ASSume. I'm a good guy (assuming you stay on my good side, treat me like shit and I will be your worst enemy), I would do anything for people if they are my friend.
I also hit on any girl I see, I go to the gym, and leg bench 1260 pounds, and I'm a networking IT person.
Here's the thing, most of these women dating bad boys don't understand relationships. They want pleasure early on from the bad boys, then they simply want a good guy to take care of their kids. What the hell happened to finding someone for you from the start?
I think any real nice guy should expect that any woman would come to a relationship for the right reason: love. Not pleasure for one, not taking care of kids another time. If they come to park their trash at your doorstep, get the hell out of the relationship and find another girl.
I forgot to mention, I don't mean to ignore any and every woman with a child. But the simple fact is, alot of these come to get fucked by a bad boy, and then go into a relationship with a good guy solely to have them take care of their kid. I've seen some women divorce good guys because of it and go back to their bad boys!
You should respect women, but don't feel sorry for someone just because they have a child. Fall in love with someone who would treat you just like they treated the 'bad boy'. Otherwise, dump the woman until she grows up.
Alan~ You are not describing "good girls" as I suggest in my hub. Good girls don't go screwing every guy they see and they don't have kids irresponsibly.Those women would be called bad girls. Not the same thing I'm talking about here.
I've been with very very few men before my husband, but the 5 boyfriends I've had were mostly bad boys, including the one I had in high school who inevitably dumped me for not having sex with him. But I was/am a good girl. I was with a good guy and dumped him for no good reason, but look back now and realize I wasn't ready for him so that's why I say some women come back to good guys when they are ready for them. Doesn't mean I wasn't ready cause I wanted to sleep with a bunch of bad boys- so not true. A good girl should still remain good even with a bad boy.
My bad boy problem was wanting to help them, fix them, save them. But always remained a good girl. I certainly wouldn't have considered myself second helpings for my husband- I am a good woman for sure and always kept in mind my future husband would want to know my past and i never wanted anything to be shameful of. I had my only kid with my husband and in fact, he's the one with another kid from a bad girl.
No, not all nice guys are shy just as not all girls who go for bad boys, have issues.
It's evident in this conversation. People like mr. nice guy, his wife married only to settle down. She doesn't care about mr. nice guy like she cared about mr bad boy. Which I think is a fucking shame.
If you can't treat somebody you date or marry the same way you treated somebody else, you should get the fuck out of the relationship. They deserve better then to be treated like a 2nd class citizen.
Wifey of ms nice guy doesn;'t give a shit about mr. nice guys feelings. She doesn't take him seriously when he says how long it's been since they've had sex.
Wifey doesn't have the values she pretends to have, and I bet anything wifey would leave mr. nice guy the moment mr. bad boy came back into her life. I've seen it happen plenty of times.
If you are not going to treat someone with the same type of love and respect you treated someone else, you are going into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Either stay with your bad boys or don't date, don't go and break people's hearts because you want to settle down.
Oh, btw, I am actually a good guy... I tend to get a bit heated on subjects that piss me off.
The same can be said both ways. Relationships are about honesty. If all you want to do is bang, you say it. If all you want to do is have a sexless marriage where a man takes care of your former boyfriends babies, say it (Although none of these women will).
It's the same with men not taking a real wife seriously. I go into a relationship with the intention of doing everything I can to please someone. A relationship is quite a bit different then a sex buddy, or anything like that. And even then I think the person you commit to should have more sex then any sex buddy you ever had.
I think the issue today is people hate commitment, and they hate responsibility. So they treat good people like shit, go to relationships to have fun, then when they are in a trailer park, try to push their children off to some poor good guy. It's the main reason why kids are so fucked up and we have all of these school shootings.
If you join this site, do you get this nice little invention called... an edit button? :| So you don't embarrass yourself with 50 million posts?
Just to clarify, I don't have people hating me for what I say. Being handsome and charming (you'll have to take my word for it) has it's advantages. The thing is, people have these things called brains. Men don't have to think with just their penises and women don't have to think with just their vaginas.
So I'm horny all the time. Is it honestly worth screwing over people who have had years of love for one little experience that I could easily get with another single person? I don't think so. I may come across one way, but I believe in love, and I believe in karma and reaping what I sow, and treating people like I'd want myself to be treated. There are tons of people I could easily screw if I wanted to do so, that wouldn't be hurt later on.
You have to think of the relationship. You have to think of consequences. Are you really going to go anywhere beyond a trailer park (or even a body bag, depending on how psycho he is) with a bad boy? If you are going for a good time, it's your choice, but don't dilute yourself into thinking it's gonna be more!
As izetti has said before, her husband was a bad boy. But the thing is, he changed BEFORE he met her. No man is gonna change his habits because he can fuck you, he's gonna change if he chooses too. It's really that simple.
Sorry for wasting your time with so many posts.
i would like to tell u what i think about it(i'm a bad boy i know,but every thing has its advantages . i would like to post my comment in french, but i don't see any sarkozi here above.can i?
Alan~ interesting comments. The difference between men and women concerning casual sex is a woman has to deal with a kid in case she gets pregnant. If you choose someone for satisfying your libido, there are certainly consequences to that.
There are so many reasons sex slows after marriage. in fact I;m writing something on that now.
I always tested a bad boy by waiting to be intimate with him. If he didn't wait, then I didn't stay with him.We can have our fun, but he must also be with me for the right reasons.
Im still reading and I'm still enjoying your Hub...I'm speechless. Love the interaction and your answers are sound and concise. By the way, I understand clearly that GoodGirls are attracted to Badboys and if they are married/or unhappy married, we (Badboys) are always the first choice for most of Married Women First Affair. The fun of it, the excictement, we are too freakin funny and always bring laughters and the " oh my my He is so Hot" comments. And when we ask why they want like us, they say...I don't get the attention of my husband at home anymore. He is too serious. He is wrapped up with his commitment at work. He is tired and go bed early. He doesnt hold my hand or bring me to a romantic candlelights Dinner anymore. He is not fun. He doesnt tell me how beautiful and sexy I am anymore. He doesnt notice when I get new earrings or when I get highlights in my new fresh hairstyle. But, the Badboys...they are focus on those details. They know what Women love and they can provide with their entire focus. They are alive. They want to bring you to the Club. They want to do exciting activities and oh my....the sex is great. The seductions, the teases, the attentions...they make you feel like your first Crush. When they kiss you...they look into your eyes and tell you that you lips taste like Strawberry Bubble Gum. They love you for who you are and they are keeping all drama free as much as they can. They are good listeners. They are what all GoodGirl dream of. Most Women that aged beautifully to the age of 35s and 40s, sadly, discover that the one that they love, the one that they are living with, are no longer having those quality moments (they lost their touched of seduction, making you feel sexy as hell).
And those factors, simultaneously, make those Women to want the excitement that onces were present in their life. And who can provide those highly seductive, super hot, amazingly cool and yummy sensations again? The BadBoys...not the quiet, rational, typical goodmen. But the sexyass who radiate sexiness and naughtiness, coupled by both, attraction and desire.
Have a Superb Day Babygirl...You always rock in your Hubs. Muahhsss xoxoxo and this one...is landing softly and more sensually then the previous kisses on your neckline...Oppsss did I say that : )~ Oh my my ....I'm a goodman after all (wink) lol
ArchAngel
No offense archangel, but you try too damn hard...
"And who can provide those highly seductive, super hot, amazingly cool and yummy sensations again?"
The sugar can be seen a mile away. I'd try a more subtle approach unless you are trying to pick up really dumb women.
Btw, this is Alan from above.
Hi Alan~ well we agree on some stuff. I never fell for guys who "sweet talked" me. I would picture someone like archangel like Jack Nicholson- smooth, but a bit too fake. THat is also why I never fell for many good guys because when you're a woman and here these comments from guys all the time, you begin to just stay away from any guy who says them even though a nice guy could be truly sincere.
This could have been a lot longer hub I gues because there are many types of bad boys. I suppose I liked the tortured souls type, musician, creative writers, etc. THen I woke up one day and said most of them aren't going anywher in life and can be extrememly selfish so that's it for me.
I understand your frustrations in dating women as you get older and they have baggage, kids, etc. By the time I reached 30 many older men were bitter towards women.
I find that talking to a person, finding them out, and complementing them based on what you find out about them works alot better then just throwing out random sugar everywhere.
Arch angel~ if you told me my kiss was like bubble gum I might puke a little. Ok joking aside. Yes, most women probably will go for all that, but there is a difference if a guy is saying this two days after he met me or month down the road when he actually knows me.
ANYONE can make sex fantastic for few romps, but sex in marriage and lasting a lifetime is something else.
Hypothetically if I ever cheated on my husband, which I am extremely faithful woman, I would go for a young guy who would not care as much how he talked around me- older men try too hard. I like natural spontaneity.
Many women have confidence issues so they must hear these things from men, but women who are comfortable with themselves will not be sold on mere words and sweet nothings. I've read romance novels that speak like you arch angel. It's not a bad thing so I'm not entirely trying to give you a hard time -you're confident
And sadly, at times, BadBoys will use (White Lies) to pretend that everything is beautiful and perfect in their own relationship with the one that they are with. At times also, due to the fact that they can be away from home for several months in a row, they lost the ones that they loved and worshiped for so many years.
And at times and in summary, those Badboys that are holding those scars (of lost loves), want to say to the one that they said a "White lie " to: " I'm sorry and I didn't meant to be dishonest with you, please forgive moi...I was just protecting my own feelings.
Note: Badboys have feelings but they are deeply engraved in their hearts into a shield vault...BadBoys can feel pain when love vanished but decide mostly not to share those pains and keep them deep down inside and in so very seldom occasions...they will be re-visiting them. Goodgirls need Closures...BadBoys sadly buried the pain and move on....(which aronically is the main factor why BadBoys become BadBoys). Under this fun, alive, super sexy image..there is pain that cant be reached.
Goodbye Beautiful, Special and Wonderful Mademoiselle Izettl...You are an Angel to others and it was super fun and special to share my thoughts with you about your main subject: Y BADGURL
No offence Zellio but you didnt get my Text.
And yessssssss and with affirmation, you are exactly right Izettl....You need to know that badboy, you need to feel chemistry and yesssssss...he wouldnt talk to you this way..until he truly know what you expect from him...he will analyse you too and yes, testing etc.... then, when he knows your needs...He will provide with all his heart and badboyish ways.
Please erase my previous text...It didnt paste right and alot is missing for comprehension. Thank you sweetie.
xoxox Kisses that taste like kisses...The taste of passion and flavor free lmaoooooooooooo : )~
arch angel~ I'm sorry for your circumstances. That was always my weak spot with bad boys, is trying to help them, see it's worth it to love and sacrifice again. You see how I got you to let down some of your wall and share with me. That's what I felt like I had to offer bad boys. I will never exploit their feelings and truly respect their feelings. Bad boys are always protective of their feelings and it takes them time to be comfortable talkingto you, but it was good because it took me time to get intimate- so we usually broke down walls together. A bond of trust was formed.
I believe bad boys have more feelings. deeper at least, than nice guys. I mentioned in the hub that because they've been hurt there is more depth to their character. One thing for sure, you have character.
I tried to be bad! Really I did! Unfortunately, your article is so true (not that I ever had difficulties) but sometimes I would see a woman with a certain "azzole" and think, Why?
Christoph- you a bad boy? No, You're in a whole different league. !!!!Funny guys!!!! Yay for them- you guys get anybody you want. Ask a girl what quality she is looking for in a guy and I bet 100% will name "funny" as either #1 or #2 trait.
Good morning Izettl,
As you mentionned to Christoph, if Badboys doesn't make the GoodGirls laugh, giggle and smile while chatting, or while dating them, they would surely be history promptly. Goodgirls love their BadBoys because they are always edgy and crazy (edgy in a good way). They can't stay put but they always make them laugh and giggle.
Most Badboys are so fun to be with due to the fact that they outstand during a party and in crowds. They are the "go to" guy if you want a great time and surely, the GoodGirls are looking to have fun. "Girl wants to have Fun" expression is so true and BadBoys can surely provide this to them.
: )
ArchAngel (MOI)
Somehow all of the guys I know who are considered confident to me seem arrogant. Arrogance is one of the most vile and despicable of human traits. Perhaps it is because I so highly value humility that arrogance seems so perverse. These men who speak of themselves with such high regard appear to have not evolved spiritually or intellectually past the 10th grade. Most admirable are those with great gifts and talents, who are capable of compassion towards and understanding of those whose natural endowments are of a more meager sort. My parents once had the great privilege of meeting Johnny Cash at the Los Angeles international airport. This was about 15 years ago so Mr. Cash was in his 60’s, long after his status as a legend had been well established. What struck them the most was the unusual humility he displayed for a man who had been admired and revered for so many years. There he was, the man in black, walking alone through the terminal at LAX , carrying his luggage in one hand and guitar in the other. When my father greeted him and said hello, Mr. Cash stopped and graciously spoke with them, just for a few moments, but long enough to convey a genuine appreciation for the excitement and enthusiasm he aroused with his mere presence. Humility. On the other hand you have some arrogant jerk who happens to be lucky enough to attract women, and he cannot go 2 minutes without broadcasting to the world how great he is. That is your typical bad boy, self-absorbed, cocky, unoriginal macho energy, “ladies man”. Those people represent all of the most loathsome aspects of human nature. Some of these guys are actually proud that they have slept with other people’s wives, a terrible, life changing practice that can have an enduring impact on an entire families existence. All the “ladies men” or bad boys I know are jerk offs. People like James Dean and Jim Morrison etc. who are seen as rebellious and perhaps even dangerous, if only to themselves, very likely were not really confident at all, and may have even been a little awkward in social situations. They were creative, serious, contemplative, likely considerate and yes even NICE! It is not fair to categorize them as bad boys because that encompasses people who do not share any similarities to the those mentioned. It is indeed possible to be confident without arrogance, but unfortunately in my experience ,the two go hand in hand far too often. Equally unfortunate is that those who possess those characteristics seem to have a great deal of success with women. Of course not all women are attracted to these traits, I have had relationships with several women who cannot stand those types of guys, but there are a lot, dare I say more, that love them.
Bob- First, that's really cool to hear about Johnny Cash. He could have been viewed as a bad boy I suppose- back in his day. Yes, humility is a very rare and attractive trait. The best looking guy I dated truly did not notice or care women everywhere we went stared at him. He displayed his heart on his sleeve and saw everybody else for themselves as well. I can't tell you how attractive that is.
I disagree with people like actors and musicians who seem contemplative and serious, but not bad boys. I think they are still bad boys. I've dated these types- hard nuts to crack because they are not easy to approach, withdrawn, emotional roller coasters, too creative for others to possibly understand them, etc. THe world still revolves around them. They are in the bad boy category because women are atracted to the tulmultuous lifestyle. Thanks for the discussion Bob.
Given the choice I'll go for the dangerous type every time. I've tried -- really I have -- to stick with "nice guys" but then I meet a new bad boy and....
swoon.
Great hub that gave me a nice little adrenaline rush. Colin Farrell -- OMG!
Mighty mom~ you are funny. so great to see you here. You really are a bad boy fan- Colin Farrell is really BAD.
Good morning Laura @))>--,`--
Colin Farrel is The Man. Women want to do him & Men want to go drink beers with him. He got the BadBoy Style by excellence for Goodgirls/BadGirls lol
But, yes...I'm a Mix of both (Jack Nicholson/Colin Farrel) so.....doesn't mean that I need therapy : )~
Woot Woot lmaooooooooooo!!!
Just passing by to wish you a Super Sweet Day Girly.
ArchAngel (MOI) Kiss Kiss : )
Personally I don't like Colin Farrel at all. I don't like people who drink or smoke too much. Jack Nicholson has great charisma it seems, but I would take Vin Diesel or Johnny Depp. They are more bad boys on-screen then in real life so I don't know if they count for anything. And yes, you probably need therapy- lol.
Johnny Depp defines cool. Guys like Colin Farrell and Tommy Lee are douchebags!
I happened to be doing a sociological research on (exactly the topic of this hub), and stumble onto this fabulous Hub of yours izettl. Well, I perceive myself as a 'good guy' and just like Christoph Reilly up here, every time is some girl with a real @$#*%%! I do think; "why?".
I totally agree with Alan/Zellio and...'Arrogance'...arrogance, arrogance, Arrogance!! Bob got the words out of my mouth.
Am most likely the youngest person in this conversation (believe me or not I am probably young enough to your child), but this kinda topic really interests me. :] forgive my intrusion.
Dylan~ I completely agree with you. what's great about JOhnny Depp is he is passionate about acting and the bad boy part about him is he just doesn't follow the typical rules in Hollywood and does things his own way without hurting others- he has a style of his own. He is classy compared to Colin or TOmmy.
Seraph123~ It's great to know a young person is intersted in why things are the way they are, such as this topic. It's so widespread- how do young innocent girls grow up to be attracted to bad boys? Where does it begin and why does it continue? As in a lot of social phenomena it is proably rooted in the media with the typical male hero in all movies. The nice guy is considered the underdog. Hope your research turns out great and you accomplish new insight.
I wouldn't say the nice guy is the underdog. Alot of heroes are nice guys.
I would say it's more rooted in the rise of feminism blaming everything on men. The only men confident to talk to women now are men who don't care what they say.
Colin Farrel is The Man. Women want to do him & Men want to go drink beers with him."
Are you sure about that? I know that myself and all the people I know couldn't care less about Colin Farrel (Although I did like him in Minority Report).
Zellio~ Collin Farrel is soon becoming a has-been. I was never into him. I haven't heard much about him since he kept getting in trouble. Maybe he'll make a come-back like former bad boy Robert Downing Jr. He's doing well now.
its possible to be a nice guy in a relatively cool way.
stuff4you~ I totally agree. There certainly are some guys who are in between and those ones are ideal. thanks for the comment!
Wow no shortage of comments here. 2 cents from me. When I met my wife I was very active on the flavor of the week (day) scene. I was 28 she was 18 and a very good girl. I told my friend that within 5 minutes of meeting her I would get a kiss from her. I was working at a rock n roll beach store that did body piercing. I pierced her ear and got the kiss all within 5 minutes. She kept coming in to see me and I showed some interest but I wanted to still be my wild self. I could tell it was my bad boy personna that attracted her. She liked the way I looked without a shirt but I knew I was nothing like her. I wanted sex all the time and had no trouble getting it except from her. This really intrigued and challenged me because though she pursued me she wouldn't claim her prize on my terms. There was a night that she caught me with another girl and told me it was over. This was the day my life changed forever. I could have had the wildest summer ever because the girl she caught me with was an exotic dancer that was maybe one of the hottest girls I've ever seen, much less been with. She told me I wouldn't have to work as long as I wanted to be with her because she made close to a thousand a night. But when I saw the look of betrayal on the face of the innocent, it killed the wild and birthed the honorable. We have been married for 19 years and I will never be with another. Except for my fitness level you wouldn't recognize the person she helped me become from that day 20 years ago. Love that you wrote this. It makes me remember how far I've come.
Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!! Your last comment to Stuff4you is a confirmation that you find me Real : )
Thankies Girly lol
I know..I know...I full of it...BadBoy moi lol
archangel~ I do believe those types exist whether you are one, hmm...let me think about that. The way you described your recent love interest makes me believe you have a good heart. I think it's how adamant you were on trying to convince me you are one of those good bad boys. Sometimes when people try too hard, it makes them look guilty. I know you've expressed you've been hurt and either you will hurt someone before they hurt you or you will throw yourself in 100% and make sure the one you love next will never feel the way you did. That one is up to you.
Fred allen~ this is such a cool story. I totally see a different side to you and respect you that much more. I commend you for changing your ways and taking a chance on that betrayed girl (your wife) and to have enough feelings of remorse to change your life. So you are a reformed bad boy- that's great. You wife is lucky!
While I grew up as one who never had trouble with girls, I always admired men of honor. I was never one of them until the day I broke the heart of my innocent love. It had such a profound affect that I would not only never cheat on her, I would always be conscious of God seeing everything I did and knowing everything I was thinking. I call her Angel because that's what she is to me.
I hear you Fred, I've been effected by people who have changed me forever too. I think it's sweet your wife was one of those, and what a profound effect it was.
Ummm, I am a self professed bad boy lover, now reformed. I feel much of why women like or love these boyz is because we are initially attracted to the physical and fail to look deeper into the character of the man. I don't believe it is thought out, but we just find ourselves being pulled by the intense chemistry of this kind of guy. I will say this kind of man is not always splattered with tats with a cig hanging from his mouth. Another trait these boys sport is being "Well Hung." Perhaps we just fall in love with the piece they carry and will put up with anything for it! ( ;
Yes, we are attracted to the outside, but also there are the tortured souls artists, musicians, and writers who are very deep and intellectual. I agree, it certainly isn't thought out by us nice girls.
I metnioned Jack Nicholson because he is well-dressed and sharp, no cig hanging out of his mouth or tattoos that I've seen, but I would still consider him a bad boy. In my criteria for a bad boy, I also mentioned he can be wearing extra sharp, nice clothing. Thanks for comment!
Sometimes girls try to make people into bad boys. I was having a discussion at my local gym and the girls who work there were telling me that I should become a male stripper... And they were serious. Some guy was a 'performer' and they were thinking about going... And I think this was there not so subtle way of wanting to see me naked.
(Just to mention, they all have bfs and I've asked them all out, they said no)
The money would be good, but later on if employers got hold of naked pics of me...
"we are initially attracted to the physical and fail to look deeper into the character of the man"
At least you can admit that. A lot of women are too full of themselves to even admit that they can ever be wrong. Or it's always the mans fault.
Alot of women get into relationships with people telling them what kind of guy they are getting in with, and in the end they still blame the 'bad boy'.
Of course, women can never be bad girls... Or make bad choices. It's always the man.
Zellio: I consider myself to be sprinkled with a dash of naughty. Avoid the stripper thing...and "No" you will not make money at it. You might get a STD though. Hahaha I know some well built men at my gym too and I humor them as well. We don't all want to see you nakud. Try not to get a big head over it, if you know what I mean? Women say lots of things to get a rise out of guys.
Respect your self and others will to.
Women are teases Zellio. Wifelv is right.
Heh, I never said everyone did, but that's what I noticed what was going on. They also said when I get built up. I still have a flabby chest. Most people like me for my face though...
They kept trying to convince me when I said no several times. I know a rise when I see it and this wasn't one ;) And I'm not planning on it anyway, as I said, if an employer ever found out, that would be bad.
"Women are teases Zellio. Wifelv is right."
I know teasing, and I know convincing. I don't have a body that woman would pay to see at the moment... And there's no guarantee that I will either.
Take it as a compliment and encouragement. Most attractive attributes in a man are confidence and sense of humor so work on those as much as your body.
So you are saying if I developed an evil laugh and began making my plans for world domination I will be sexy? :p
James Dean wasn't a "bad boy." He didn't use drugs to any extent (he might have smoked grass once). He didn't beat anyone up. He worked hard. He was even a passably good student in school. He died in a car accident while he was going the speed limit and observing all rules of the road. The local "good boy" (as depicted in legend since) in the other car failed to yield the right-of-way to Dean. The "good boy" emerged unscathed. Dean died on impact. Jimmy also saved his passenger's life by turning the car so he took the brunt of the crash.
We have to be careful about our depictions of "good" and "bad."
Zellio~ evil laugh, etc. I don't know if that's sexy but at least you are better looking than Dr.Evil from Austin Powers moves. So you might have something going for you. A girl likes a "tough" or "bad" by on the outside but he is actually a big softie on the inside.
melody23~ You are completely right when you say "We have to be careful of our depictions of good and bad." A bad boy is not all bad and a good boy is not all good.
James Dean had "the look"- aloof, cool, the roles he took in movies "Rebel Without a Cause". It is just a title/label and as we all know labels can be misleading. Hollywood saw him as a "bad boy". Neither of us really knew him. Also, you perceive bad boys as having only bad traits when that isn't so. Often a bad boy can be someone who doesnt care what the majority thinks (a rebel), but is a nice guy. Sometimes girls like them because they are not or care to be like the rest. James Dean's persona represented a lot of young men during that time.
Why the testy response? I'm a Dean biographer. I know of what I write. I didn't have to "know him." I know the man who, for all intents and purposes, was Jim's brother, having grown up with him in the same house. Dean's family is very sensitive about the "bad boy" image since, for many years, Dean was blamed for a car crash for which he was not responsible. The "bad boy" stuff has evolved from that error (btw, he played the "good kid" in Rebel).
I'm making no claims about the cognitive or moral content of "good" or "bad" boys. I merely argued with the use of Dean as an icon for the "bad." It has followed him unfairly for many years (no matter how one depicts "bad boys," we clearly put a negative spin on his image by doing so ... or we wouldn't use the word "bad" at all).
My definition of a bad boy was Narcissist and emotionally unavailable. They are like sand in your hands, continually slipping out and in your crotch-constant reminder of pain and aggravation. Their only redeeming factor is that they look good on the arm and their fun in a sax. Zellio, I would work on being the best of who you are and expound upon that. You will drive yourself crazy trying to be something for women. I have met men who are ok in the bod area, even slightly plump...but they had a healthy love for themselves and humor that made me want to be with them. Focusing on the shell will get you shell results. You attract what you are, think about that one. Izetti should write about the law of attraction or power of your thoughts. I think she might have some insight into that area. I have found out in my latter years that to love ME is most important, for I can not give away what I do not have. I promise you, if you seek out what love is and isn't you will be desired more than you know. Another tid bit of wisdom from the learned, BE what you want in others. If you want great, be great. Those chicks you talk with are skanks, I would not give them the time of day for they are not respecting you, but reducing you down to a piece of ass.
( :
melody23~ I didn't think I was testy, you misunderstand my intention of WHY I put his picture on the bad boy list. I will say the "image" is a resounding bad boy with pictures of him not smiling and looking "tough" with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I didn't say anything about the car accident- don't know don't care. people write and judge celebrities unfairly and if they didn't/don't like it they shouldn't be in the spotlight. Hazard of the job and life isn't fair. How's all that for "testy"?
Wifelv~ great comment to Zellio. You are right. I knew women who would chase guys who could care less about them and I would always ask them "Why would you want someone who doesn't want you with the same enthusiasm. My favorite guy was the one who seemed like a bad boy, but was actually a nice guy- sometimes aloof can be mistaken for shy.
And I merely objected to the use. I am objected to all the time online. If you don't like objection, it's usually best not to post material online. Hazard of the job ... life isn't fair.
And that reply was not testy ... the one where you disputed my familiarity with the topic was.
melody23~ I don't mind obejection ebcause I did not object to your comment, you objected to mine and for all the 100 people out there who like what I write- GREAT, but there will be people who don't and that will never stop me from writing.
I previously disputed your familiarity with him because I assumed you did not know him. I had to assume because you did not give me that information in your first comment. It was like you wanted to bait and trap me. Make a comment then wait for my reply to stick it in my face about how you "know him'. He is merely a picture on my hub- what' the big deal? I wrote nothing about him in particular other than "Hollywood's original bad boy" and many more sources will attest to the same label.
Oh Izetti, nice slam dunk on that one girl. Perhaps a hub on being easily offended is in order here? Or, "root of bitterness springs up to defile many?" I don't surmise that this hub has anything to do with why Melody23 is anoyed. You could be a steller writer and her panties (thong) would be in a wad no matter what you say or do.
Easy up Melody23 we are all tame around here and have had our shots. We get that your the expert on this "now reformed bad boy." What cheek does she have to kiss to get you to relinquish? Remember, don't let the sun go down upon your anger it will cause premature aging. Hugs and kisses
wifelv~ I'm used to getting a few negative comments here and there. It is always strange to me when someone turns a fairly fun topic into something so serious. Have a sense of humor people! I accept and do not filter comments because everyone is entitled to an opinion. When I did research for this hub, I came across James Dean the most. And thanks again for the input wifelv- you're keeping me on the straight and narrow. No hard feelings to melody23. I just misunderstood her passion behind my simple use of James Dean's picture. God night ya'll
""Another trait these boys sport is being "Well Hung." Perhaps we just fall in love with the piece they carry and will put up with anything for it! ""
Are you kidding me? People are so pathetic and disgusting sometimes.
black francis~ that comment could very well apply to Tommy Lee- famous rocker bad boy. After his relationship with Pam Anderson it beame common knowledge about his "piece" and it certainly increased hi popularity- many women went after him for that reaso. "pathetic and disgusting"? maybe, but true. Thanks for the comment.
Black Francis: It was the truth and often times the truth hurts...Yes I agree, pathetic and disgusting...But it was sooooo good at the time. Problem is, most women who date these boyz are not able to be as frank and transparent as I. Holocaust was ugly and detestiable,to say the leaset, but the ugly truth brought it to light. Do you want sugar coated BS? If so keep your head in the sand and keep on truckin! You will thank me later ( ;
The point is you said "Perhaps we just fall in love with the piece they carry and will put up with anything for it! " which is a ridiculous statement. I could not love a women just because she has a tight vagina or large breasts, you love a person for their soul, compassion, creativity, and intelligence etc. I would never put up with someone I do not like because she has a good body. If you do then you have problems and need to discover what it means to be a thoughtful caring human being.
Your anger is now making you misspell badly, in all your personae. I didn't say a thing about whether or not you should write about something -- frankly, I don't care one way or the other. I was merely disputing your use of the image in this manner. Trust me, I shall never question your authority again. lol
Frank Black: Watch out for saying, "Never." I was refering to past tense. If you read what I said earlier I declared that I am a refomed bad boy lover. Ridiculous? Do you live in a box? Divorces are rampent because of conditional love. People fall in lust by the second dear. Wouldn't it be lovely if we all could fall in love with people for their soul. Reality is, most don't. I am glad your one of the few who look deeper in to a persons heart rather then vestiages. Now that I am more mature and know what love is and isn't I do look into the heart of a person then the pants!!! Hahahah I still have problems though.
PS: I have very poor spilling! O : The brain tumor that was taken out of my head left me with a 4th grade level English abilities. But my humor is intact! That is all that matters. One reason why I am on this site is as a tool for rehab. The more I write the better my spilling is supposed to get. For now, I annoy anal retentive people who have to correct people like me to make themselves feel better superior.
wifelv~ I have bad arthritis, especially in my hands so I spend more time on the spelling in my articles than on comments. Forgive us all Melody23.
Melody23~ Let's stick to the topic - this isn't a hub about spelling. How come I didn't see you in the comment sections of other articles baout James Dean being a "bad boy". Here you go, I'll help you with finding those articles. http://ezinearticles.com/?How-James-Dean-Became-Th
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-friskys-favo
http://www.ehow.com/how_4487361_dress-like-james-d
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/How+James+Dean+Becam
http://www.books4you.addr.com/James_Dean_American_
That ought to keep you busy for a while! There ain't (is that the correct spelling?) one thing you can do to anger me dear. Have a pleasant and blessed day.
There's a nice article that covers this here:
http://niceguysite.com/nice-guy-syndrome/
Its about nice guys and badboys, and why so often women prefer the badboy. The best metaphor I've heard is this "BadBoys are like junkfood. Everyone has natural, fresh food on their shopping list going into the store, but everyone somehow ends up filling their cart full of junk food"... And that's so very true.
Basically, its just primal biology. The traits that make badboys attractive are evolutionary "leftovers". They were useful in caveman times, but they still stick around in a woman's deep instincts.
Now, if a man wants to see that as "bad", look at yourself first. We men too have those "evolutionary leftovers". We still pick up women by criteria that was only important thousands of years ago. We get attracted to a mean, rude arrogant b*tch, just because she has a certain body... And that body type is a completely irrelevant factor in the 21st century. We'll ignore a great good girl, simply because she doesn't have the right "assets", even though it makes no logical sense today... But its an instinct.
So both men and women do it. And both men and women do it for the same reason, evolutionary leftover instincts.
I think part of what is causing some of the disagreements on this topic is what constitutes a "bad boy". I think of guys that are "jock types", macho, cocky, the kind of guy that always got the girls in high school, walking
down the halls being a jerk to quiet nice kids and thinking the world revolved around his desires, oblivious to all other people's existence. I think most of these guys continue this behavior well into adulthood, we have all seen them at the bar etc acting every bit as obnoxious as they were in high school. Guys like James Dean, Robert Downey and Johnny Depp for example have always been seen as rebels, and they are/were. But does marching to the beat of your own drummer and not following the rules make you a "bad boy". I suppose its all a matter of perspective, and it probably is different for women than men. Johnny Depp for example, although clearly listed above as reformed, I do not see as being bad in any way shape or form. Yes he is different and breaks a lot of rules, but he seems about as sincere as anyone you would ever meet. Anyone who has seen just 30 seconds of an interview with the guy should be able to see that he is about as kind and humble as anyone, famous or not. I imagine James Dean was a similar type of person. If those macho jock types are bad boys then we need to distinguish between them and the moody artist types, because the two groups share no similarities. I have always been rebellious, and I suppose somewhat moody, have played in several bands, and have way too many tattoos. I definitely do not see myself as a bad boy, because I am as nice as the day is long. I am not better than anyone, and have a natural tendency towards kindness and fairness to all people. I value humility above most other characteristics and would not associate with macho arrogant jerks if you paid me. I am not saying I have all the answers, all opinions are equally valid, but I just think there is a difference between rebels and bad boys.
black francis~ I understand there is a difference between rebels and bad boys for some people. However, we don't really know for sure how Johnny Depp or James Dean treat/treated women. Johnny Depp has been rumored to be polite to others, but he is quiet and admitted having to learn some hard lessons in his youth. Often times that moody, quiet artsy guy is emotionally unavailable, which leaves a woman sticking around for the bad boy/rebellious nature she is attracted to and not because she is being fulfilled or treated well relationship-wise.
I absolutely think emotionally unavailable is a trait of bad boy and/or rebels and certainly the quiet moody ones- even more so with them. As I mentioned in my article, women like the mystery and chase, and the quiet ones give them that. I lump both quiet and obnoxious bad boys all into one category- both can be bad men to be in relationships and both are men who women find themselves strongly attracted to.
because in every good girl there is the little bit of the naughty, and it takes a bad boy to bring it out, and in every bad boy is the little bit of goodie goodie, and it take a good girl to bring it out.
I guess I can see how a women would perceive the rebellious type as dangerous. I don't blame women for being attracted to James Dean types, cool, mysterious etc, or the artistic types who definitely posses a few difficult characteristics(myself included), but deep down are good people. From a man's perspective I think the confusion lies in us seeing attractive nice women who date the arrogant jerks I described. I don't understand being attracted to people who are mean to others and treat all people not just women, with little or no respect. It seems to me to be a fundamental flaw in character if one associates with those people or puts up with those traits just because they find them physically attractive. I think one of the real problems with society is the way people treat each other. If everyone would just put themselves in the other person's shoes once in a while the world would be a much better place. Kindness is a most underrated quality and should be foremost in determining who we want to spend our time with.
I never mentioned this, I don't think... But this thread hits home because, as a kid, I was the good boy/guy. I was a cute kid, nice features, but nothing manly. All the women ever wanted to be was friends, and people used me.
I never had a girlfriend or anything. People would use me for friends while they dated assholes.
I ended up getting big in 12th grade, and my features changed to something much more rugged, and very handsome, and since I was bullied alot through most of high school I ended up nearly becoming what I hated. I was still a nice guy but I pushed my way through whatever. Ironically, I still ended up dateless (I remember lots of women would stare at me, but would always give excuses if I tried to date them).
I'm still a nice guy, and if you are my friend I would do anything for you. But if you fuck with me, or try to use me, I will become the biggest enemy in your life.
It makes me sad to see nice people get used. I want to kick everyone's ass who does this shit. It reminds me of myself as a kid getting used by assholes :(
Anybody reading this who is a nice guy: Treat your woman with respect, but if someone simply wants you as a friend for emotional support while she dates assholes, QUIT BEING THE BITCHES FRIEND. Tell her to get her own emotional support (By not dating assholes) and quit using people for her own selfish games.
What I find most ironic of all, is that nice guys want to help women. They want to be a good person to them.
Later on in your life, if you care about yourself, you find yourself wanting to defend NICE GUYS THEMSELVES from the bitches you originally wanted to protect.
The thing about being a nice guy is that nice guys are not doormats. Treat people with respect, but also go the gym. When the local gym was under a potential hail storm, I warned everyone to not leave so they wouldn't die.
Be a nice guy, but if someone fucks with you don't show them any mercy.
The thing also to remember is that women who do this crap, later on in life find themselves screwed. I remember one girl I loved, she once felt the same way but later on just wanted to be friends (As I guess I didn't fit the whole 'jackass' routine). While I and my friends passed school she dropped out in 11th grade, left her house, and moved in with her boyfriend. The whore was also passing around sex tapes in school, and when I was her friend, she lied to me and ripped out my heart.
I don't know what happened to her, but considering she was a whore who dropped out of high school, I can think of a few things that probably happened, and none of them are good.
People who try to help others, don't deserve this shit. If you are a nice guy or a nice girl, always try and remember that it takes the person themselves wanting to change. You can be there for them, love them, be their emotional support, but at the end of the day, the person themselves must make the call.
If they refuse to change hit the road. A bad boy or girl will rip out your heart. I know this for a fact.
Frank Black:
The reason is simply because these types of women are exactly as wifelv described. I've seen it for myself. They don't care about such things as a future, they don't really think ahead, they just want a hot bod and sex. Nothing else really matters to them, mainly because they didn't think beyond a dick and body.
Too bad for the women who treated me like crap after I tried to help that I became hot. Not that I would actually do anything with them, I want someone who wants me for me, not for JUST hot sex ;)
Sorry for the long list of replies... But 'll say this last thing tonight.
No matter what you read, no matter what you hear, the nice guy DOES NOT finish last. The thugs, the hot guys driving in hot cars in high school, end up with low paying jobs, while nerds end up with the money.
(This isn't always the case, esp. if the asshole is born with lots of money, they end up being bankers or CEOs ;). But typically speaking, if a guy hates the law he usually ends up either in jail or with a low paying job)
And while sometimes a woman can marry someone like Mr Nice Guy above solely to have children and make her family THINK she isn't a slut, most women who go after jerks end up either dead or in a trailer park.
And while things like that are sad, and people talk of domestic abuse on the rise and such, if a woman chooses to date assholes, or people who run from the law, then she has signed her will and crossed her heart. You could try to help these people like I did and they will rip out your heart as well.
cindyvine~ you nailed it! the precise reason good girls love bad boys. So tue. THanks for the comment.
Frank black~ The character flaw in women who like bad boys is sometimes wanting to bring out the good and "help" someone who really seems to need it. Often we say to ourselves "I will be the one to help him". I've also learned not to judge a book by it's cover and many bad boys are men who just want to put up a wall with their image, but aren't really bad.
I never knew why many nice guys would go for bitches and women who would boss them around and spend all their money. but they looked good so men let them do that. As "wifelv" explained in a comment earlier it may be shallow to go for a guy because of looks or sex, but men do it all the time.
Some quiet artsy types are good guys, but still not great for realtionship. They still tend to be selfish and moody and life revolves around their mood and they go inward not wanting to involve the other person in their life too much. I've been with these types. I liked the challenge of getting them to open up, but the mysterious and elusive got boring.
Zellio~ your first comment is right. Nioe guys should not stick around when a girl is dating bad boys who treat her like crap while you treat her great. that's not cool.Also, I remember the nice guys waiting around and hanging out with bad girls while I went dateless many times. So it goes both ways. When we're young we all lack some self-esteem so we either treat people like crap or be treated like crap ourselves. The bad boys I went for in my younger years never got the best of me because I always waited quite a while to have sex- it was my test. Believe it or not many stayed and I ended up staying in long relationships with them, but ultimately I saw they weren't going anywhere in life. They lost jobs often, they spent money too fast, they had a lot of bad habits. They may be fun in the short-term, but not for the long run. You have a good perspective because you've seen both sides to this. Thanks for your comments Zellio.
to evry dirty boy loves innocent girl no innocent girl loves dirty boy. boys always do the mistake of thinking that evry girl loves them bcz boyys r idiot and dont have sense of humour so they think like that
THanks for the comment Tina!
Great reading! I adored the discussion and yes, I may have a badboy look but deep inside, I'm a Sweet Guy!
I had to break the ice and let you know lol
Girls get attracted by me due to my BadBoy look but surprisely discover a sweet Gentleman behind the Mask!
Have a Great Evening Izettl.
P.S. (Last night I stayed (3) hours on the phone to assist a Married Woman that was under Physical Abuse. I gave her advices, she took the actions necessary to be safe and I went to bed at 0400AM and cancel work until mid-afternoon just to ensure that she was safe. Then, she texted me at 1130PM Today and said the following: " I'm ok......ty for being there "
She married a BadBoy that turned to be a monster : (
Sad but True!
Nite my Friend...Keep up the good work!
ArchAngel (Moi) @))>-,-`---
archangel~ I believe you are a good friend and the married woman you referred to is lucky to have you around. You are genuine and I hope you are not a bad boy monster- that's too bad your friend got involved with a bad guy. He's a jerk, not a bad boy.
Dear Izettl,
Can you please give me your personal opinion and analysison why the (several) Goodgirls still stick around with their Badboys Attitude (i.e. fooling around behind their backs, playing independant instead of being real,etc...). Is it the same analysis that you previously mentionned (i.e. the goodgirls when to see if they are able to save them, change them, take care of them).
It is interesting that you mentionned this because I know alot of lady who are in BadBoy/Goodgirl relationships and even if that we are witnessing the play of this Badboy as a third party and that we advice the Goodgirls that her relationship with him is not healthy because they get hurt over and over again but still keep those badboys close to them and honour them even if they dont give as much love back to them.
Im sure it is not every badboy/badgirl relationship but I would like your thought on this one in a more elaborate and analytical way.
Thanks Izettl : )
Looking forward to see your answer. Im witnessing this quite often and I would like to have the proper words to guide those ladies with this situation of them being hurt over and over again but they are still by the side of those BadBoys that in my view (and I know it is not all badboys) are bad news and not productive for an healthy relationship.
So is it that Badboys should be a temporary relationship? And adventure? A stimulation of Sense, passion and naughtiness?
ArchAngel (MOI) @))>-,-`----
I have many friends in these situations too and I find that by accepting his bad behavior, she begins to believe bad things about herself. It's almost like brainwashing. If he treats her bad or says mean things to her it is an busive relationship and why do women stay in those? Because they lack the confidence or support system to get out of that relationship.
Alos there are so many highs and lows with bad boys; they act poorly then act nice the next minute.
Some women like drama. They don't feel important in their own relationship so they stay with the bad boy's drama so they become important to their friends by getting them involved.
Women also feel compelled to stay with a man if she has a kid with him or she hopes he will change. I was talking to a woman recently who stays in a new relationship with a bad boy who calls her names without a second thought and the brain (physically speaking) reads those words or listens to those words enough times to believe they are tue about herself. Ever hear of writing down positive affirmations about yourself? People do this to feel better about themselves and it can work because the brain is very literal and sees these words, then begins to believe them. THis is how brainwashing works.
For me, bad boys were temporary. When I tried to have long relationships with them, it became stressful because they often don't keep jobs, spend money too quick, and have a lot of bad habits. They're hard to live with.
Hope all that helps and have a great niht/morning archangel
Thank you so very much for the explanation above and your sound analysis. I truly appreciate it Izettl. It is a precious tool for me and (believe me) will certainly assist the Ladies that are under my (Wings) and support.
Signed the ArchAngel (Moi)
Have a Wonderful Weekend and thank you again @))>-,-`---
Girls are so attracted by a bad boy. even though many times girls suffer, the thrill of not knowing whats going to happen keeps girls wanting to be with a bad boy. I have a tattoo and a piercing, sometimes I wear rough clothes. Does that make me a bad boy?
romeooelnecio~ I think it's mostly younger women who seek a bad boy. Older women have learned their lesson and it might be more on the rise to want a bad boy because women are gaining independence and therefore the lack of stability a bad boy represents may no longer be a turn off to older women.
You could be a bad boy, depends on the attitude. I know bad boys who don't have tattoos and dress well, but their lifestyle and attituse is pure bad boy.
Smart women will eventually realize that they are living in a fantasy world if they continue to think they can have a lasting, loving relationship with a bad boy / rebel type. The good guy stands on the sidelines waiting patiently (and maturely) for his opportunity to sweep her off of her feet. If she is too blind to realize which one she should be with, it's her loss. Bad boys will typically be attracted to women at face value: (sexy in appearance, hot, gorgeous, nice legs, etc) where the good guy typically has genuine intentions. He might initially be attracted to her at face value (attractiveness and chemistry is important), but he will fall for a woman usually with genuine intent.
All this is so true Assassin Fred. Thanks for the comment.
You're welcome, thanks for the great post. Happy New Year!
Thanks again Fred!
I use to date all the wrong men...all the bad boys. Here I am at age 22 engaged to the sweetest man in the world. He is a complete and total nerd and that is what I love about him :) almost as much as his star wars lego collection....lol ;)
nora.elzabeth~ you two are a cute couple and you are lucky to get out of the vicious cycle many women get in with dating all the wrong/bad boys. I am married to an ex bad-boy (before I met him) and he is now a nerd with a huge star wars lego collection- lol.THanks for the comment.
This is typical but I think it goes much deeper and deeper. Thanks for the hub!
Lordy izettl you don't half write some good hubs this ones taken me few hours to read through thoroughly enjoyable but i have a question for you..
Where has this left me? i lived the first part of my life doing and being what i thought was good and have (because that left me in the pooh for want of better word decided being goods not all its hacked up to be) turned Bad for a good reason (well i think its a good reason any rate)All I've kept of my past life is my Rolex not because its valuable but it keeps good time and prity indestructible it seems, my wardrobe i torched, decent car left with my ex along with house and contents and all cash and then dived headlong as far off the rails as i could. Ive spent the last hummmm several years (how to put this best i not know) basically putting myself in harms way is a fare analysis i think and have broken several parts of myself i have not got a death wish although I'm not worried about that eventuality at all any how I'm not going to go into to many details but what I'm saying is do i call myself a reformed good guy or what ??? (ps if anyone reading this is totally confused SORRY lol )
MrAhSea~ I have a friend a lot like you, an old high school buddy. He was divorced a couple of years ago and was a "good guy" all the years I knew him- lol- and no we didn't date perhaps because I had a thing for bad boys. It depends on when you went through your divorce. I have always been a good girl, but had about 3 years when I rocked the boat and flirted with danger, but that was after the end of a long relationship, and that may be what you're doing. Like screw it, being good didn't get me anywhere and I know I've been there.
There is both sides to people, everybody has good and bad, and some have more of one than the other. Whenever you "land" from this trip of yours, you'll be who you really are. I'm not a bad girl by nature, it's just not me. I love to flirt, take calculated chances, but nothing harmful. The bad in me comes out sometimes in my writings, I like to stir the pot a little. Has your divorce been in the last few years? How is the dating life now that you are a reformed good guy?
Humm OK Divorced (or released more like) in 2000 regrets about the divorce nil but huge regrets bout being separated from my son through out his latter teen life.Wont go into details but blame firmly in her court and not contested.
Second question erm harder to answer in away as I've never been one to believe in flings, one nighters short termed etc particularly and that part of me hasn't changed but its not a desert. I'm still kind of 50/50 on weather to do the entire build a new life and commitment again.A lot of me yearns for it but i know getting fried again would send me into the wastelands totally without a return pass to get back.So short answer is erm pass lol
I get what you're saying about considering risk versus benefit. The past can burn for sure. We all walk around with wounds and yet still need companionship. How does one get close without getting hurt? Not easy for sure. Not possible probably. I once read a book about resiliency and that's the key. Maybe you'll be ready when you decide to bounce back.
My story is backwards I got hurt so I got married. Years ago my boyfriend passed away and I realized I had not given my all to him because I was gaurded, not wanting to get divorced like my parents, and he was so openly loving with me. I was sad I didn't give him my all and all because of past hurt so I swore to never do that again and the next man I met, I married Although it didn't happen that quickly but you get the point.
You'd be surprised at how resilient humans are so I'm sure you would bounce back even after another burn.
izettl (this is not a common occurrence but I'm speechless) Well ok nearly any rate. I'm about to show my age i feel, before i got wed id been in a relationship where we had ended up on the do we don't we fence for a while on the marriage front she got run down by a hit and run driver passed away before i ever got to the hospital... that kinda changed a lot of my perspectives on life.Stopped putting things off till tomorrow never saying goodnight to anyone i care about with things left unsaid etc. Because there may never be a tomorrow to put things rite today is all I've got.Hence the reason i got married OK in hind site wasn't my best idea as it turned out.But i have a great son from it so wasn't all bad just his mother lol.
One question though your final line you refer to humans! your assumption may be flawed there because the human race at time confuses the heck out of me so i think i may be a martian. (it ain't easy being green you know ?)
More seriously yes i understand your line there my humm it not a problem but cant think of better word at moment so ill use it. Me getting hurt mentally or physically has never concerned me people i care about getting caught in the cross fire is my problem, divorce my son got hurt, last relationship my son and hers got hurt and there was no rows explosions or gunfire in that one. Life's great any rate I'm still in one piece (well at the moment any rate) doctors can always put me back together when i get damaged i give them job security lol .
And as for your list Signs of a Bad Boy erm if i say yes to nearly all of those with a most definitely to 5 i think you got that list spot on its nearly my hand book lol
Except tattoos and piercings wanna tat but not got round to it yet not had the time
MrAhSea~ I see a different side to bad boys because I understood something about them- pain behind ther facade and maybe that was the lure for me. I guess I liked peeling their layers and even learning about myself along the way.
It really would be difficult starting anything with someone with kids or if you have kids yourself. That's a tough scenario.
Bad boys eyes say it all. They have a kind of smiling, penetrating eyes that says they can conquer you, ravish you, all for the fun of it.
I totally agree Tina2011!
Izettl,I must say that this is quite an insightful blog and that you know bad boys pretty well. I enjoy reading your answers.
I would like to put in a good word for them as well bad boys that is. Time has shown me again and again that although I want to think the worst of the bad boys they actually are the most thoughtful and mature of the bunch. I always wondered why I had the opposite experience as everyone else.
I know that the bad boy is always considered the black sheep and blamed by all for everyone's problem. Their problem is they are hanging onto his every word too bad their lives are dull he is the STAR of their show. Society is wrong the nice guy has two faces. He can be selfish, deceptive and inhuman.Bad mouthing the bad boy is like badmouthing the devil it was God who ordered those genocides. Lucifer wasn't responsible for a single death but the facts don't stop these brainwashed fools. He's the one you can trust. Every single so called bad boy never treated me as bad as the so called nice guys. What you see is what you get with the bad boy. He actually understands he's intuitive and women matter to him. He communicates and obviously the love of a woman is important to him too.They slander him but he will rule them ALL. A bad boy saved my life all because he stuck to HIS principles. My nice guy hubby would have let me die but the bad boy said no lets take her to the hospital she looks really bad. Yeah thank God that he was there. And he had the action to back it up.
It dawned on me to give praise where it was due. He is the bravest of men braving destruction to come to woman. He has no idea what he's in for but he's here ready to play God and Goddess their Saga continues. And if your life sucks because your parents are psycho he made life easier to bear just by being himself. What a guy! Always the gentleman in the end and he has no need to lie. Other people speak of the horrors of associating with him but I saw no such horrors. In a way he is an open book hiding his wounds but he grows on you. Because he is real unlike those men who constantly b*tch about women being wh*res and wanting to be mistreated. The bad boys don't mistreat the women they love, sillies. They are caught up in a dream that is bigger than them. Yin/Yang the unity of opposites bad boy good girl they make a complete duo. All the rest are haterz...find your own bliss with your dynamics and know thyself. Don't expect women to solve all your problems! Some men behave shamelessly. If only you knew that if it hadn't been for bad boys men would have had a negative connotation. He collectively saves your reputations as MEN period.
Anny~ thank you for sharing your story and you have a strong opinion here that mentions great points- many I agree with. I think bad boys are those that have some things about them that don't make for lasting partners. they are good at rescuing the damsel in distress, hence their popularity in movies. They have many characteristics,habits, and chaotic/ "free" lifestyles that don't make them ideal for husbands and fathers. There are nice guys like that too and I agree with you that they can be shameless and have their own issues. Thank you again for contributing to this discussion.
I found also an interesting article about it
Bad boys... bad ... bad boys... down... get down...
It seems as though women want a strong guy who will stand up for them
Paul~ women seek security and stability and it is comforting to know our guy would stand up against anything for us. THanks for the comment Paul- good point.
I had fun reading this and i was smiling. I agree most of what that is being said in this hub. I love the way you put it together miss.Izettl. My self I do have a bad boy in my life, been with him for long time, but not all bad boy are troubled soul, my boyfriend is bad boy with all the characteristic minus the trouble and problem and black background and past.
negraiska~ You lucked out- there is certainly a charm about them. I absolutely agree that not all are bad, some have just the right amount of bad and good common sense and decency. THanks so much for your comment.
Nice hub, interesting commentary. I used to play make-believe with my sister-and my 7 year old self new exactly what he wanted to be,"the bad boy." But, the bad boy that was a secretly a good guy. I ran with this theme and I think I am still pretending to be a bad guy, that is actually a good guy, seems to work, and I get to live by my own rules too. Nice work!
Paul~ Well good guys pretending to be bad boys are the most coveted to women. Those are the best ones so all your 7 yr old make-believe fun did some good. From a woman's perspective there is nothing more rewarding than finding out a bad boy type we are attracted to is actually a good guy- you've got it. Keep it up! And thanks for the comment.
bad boys are annoying jerks. of course mine is a male perspective, and I am thoroughly confused by most aspects of the female psyche, but from a guy who tries to treat people fairly and with respect these so called "bad boys" are nothing more than immature selfish jerks, that make it harder for the rest of us to succeed with women, not only that they just tend to just be obnoxious people that would be bothersome even if women did not like them so much, the fact that women do like them just makes them that much more annoying
Edward~ I understand the annoyance of why a woman would even want a bad boy. My best guess is the Hollywood glamorization of the typical bad boy traits. Just like many men like a certain Hollywood type of body. THanks for stopping by and commenting.
izettl, really good and insightful reading on this page - enjoyed reading both the original post and the comments.
Here's the deal, I'm 18 years old and just started seeing this gorgeous girl who everybody in high school wants to get with. She recently got out of a 2-year relationship, with a guy whom she says "treated her nicely".
She was still together with this guy when I thought fuck it at the last school-party, and went directly for her. I'm a good looking, intelligent guy, and she was really into me from the get go.
Here's the deal, she broke up with her boyfriend a week after this ( 3 weeks ago ), and the past 2 weeks I've hung out with her three times. The first time, I came to her house and we held hands, but left it at that. The next time I stumbled piss drunk into her house after a night out, and crashed on her bed. The next morning, I told her I would kiss her the next time we were together (stupid move, making me sound predictable).
This friday she came to my place, and we chilled in my bed. After a while I grabbed her arms, looked her in the eye and said "Remember what I told you last saturday?" And went really close to her face, before saying "No.". (Good move on my part imo. - keeps her guessing)
Later on I kissed her twice, though they were pretty lame kisses, it was good to finally get it out of the way.
I was in my shorts, so I made her massage my thigh even though I met a little resistance (she's actually quite shy). I got a boner, and told her to look at it and perhaps touch it (she giggled but didn't touch). Later on we started groping eachother quite a bit, her hands went to feel my muscly arms and abs under my shirt, while I worked my way towards her lower parts (angle was shit though). I put her hand on my, again, hard crotch but she quickly removed it giggly, before massaging my thigh again. She kept getting closer to my crotch, but I felt like she wouldn't touch, having trouble escalating myself (I'm pretty much a virgin and used to being a nice guy) I turned on the lights and told her I'd drive her home. Before she got out of the car, we kissed again.
Now I'm sorry for this pathetic long story, but I really like this chick. I know for a fact she likes bad boys, and I still think she sees me as one (the way I dress, careless mentality), I've played it by the book by not showing too much interest too quick etc. But I'm exceptionally scared of falling into the friends-zone with this one. Do you think this happened already, or is she just someone who needs a little time to have sex? From what she told me, I think she did not have sex much at all with her old boyfriend, and maybe she's afraid of coming off inexperienced or something? She thinks I'm a guy who's surrounded by girls, and who has slept with several, and I just can't reveal to her, that I'm actually a nice guy by nature, who has trouble creating emotional bonds.
Am I in the friends-zone with this one?!
No- I'd be more concerned about rushing it because you guys have not had much sexual history so keep her giggly and stick with the innocent foreplay for a while. I wouldn't worry about being in the friend zone. Focus on creating an emotional bond with her or you'll lose interest sooner than later.Good luck
To izetti: Good hub. Women are fascinated by bad boys because they are the forbidden fruit. However, women may have dalliances with bad boys, but very few will have a serious relationship with them or take them home to meet their parents. Bad boys are the male equivalents to bad girls, sluts, or hoochie mamas. Men will fool around and have dalliances with the bad girls in their lives but seldom will they have a serious relationship with them or take them home to meet their mothers. Fact of life. Bad boys may be fun but that's about it.
gmwilliams~ you are absolutely right. Some women, like myself, marry the reformed bad boys. Thanks for the comment.
am a good boy any bad girl(s) likes meeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
izettl-
why do u reply to every single comment??
lala~ it's good karma- lol. Same reason why I have over 1,00 fans and make money doing this.
I cuss, I swear, I say the most racist, sexist and indecent things, but women still find me attractive. That's because I have a brain and can own anyone's ass in a debate from politics to the weather. But I also have a soft spot and protectivness. That's what girls like. They like bad boys with brains who choose to be bad boys.
Many women like the contrast of a bad ass man with a soft side. Just like I've heard men who like a woman who is a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed.
this makes me feel so at ease. I always have a feeling of being cocky or arrogant because I am a very good looking brunette and sometimes feel I should be more patient and listen to girls more since I haven't had a relationship in a very long time. then again, there's nothing wrong with that and having things in common with all these descriptions basically tells me that later on, later on I'll find someone to tame me. but for some reason I love mean and snobby, hard-to-get girls.
Pablo~ sounds like you like a challenge- nothing wrong with that just don't settle for a mean and snobby girl.
Everything you've stated here is TRUE TRUE TRUE! I have always had a thing for bad boys...specifically guys in rock bands. Loved the tattoos, piercings and bad-*ss attitude. James Dean is one of my all-time favorite bad boys...along with Elvis and Johnny Cash. Great hub!
kitty~ thanks for the great comment. I am now fan of yours too. The typical bad boy is such an American icon, not to mention easy on the eyes but hard on the heart.
Awesome hub and really true. But the bad boy thing gets so very old. I have been down the bad-boy track, a well-worn path by other "good girls." They project a lot of confidence, they make you feel great about yourself (sometimes), and you are secretly happy that NOTHING you could ever say or do is as bad what HE does...but it's just not worth it. I've said this before and I'm still at it, bad boys are the fast food of real men--empty, tasty, and goes straight to your butt. Plus, you know it's just tiding you over until a real meal ;-).
ahostagesituation~ So true. Ironically we believe they can protect us and in reality we need protection from them. I don't know many girls that haven't gone down this road, and too bad. THanks for stopping by and sharing.
Very interesting reading. Nice and a compelling analytical style.
C.V. Rajan~ thank you for the wonderful comment.
i also want to ba bad boy
It's the good guys who are the stronger of the two. It's harder to be a good person than it is to be a bad person. But, women don't seem to think about this until their older and their actually looking for a good guy. And what do we always hear later? Women say there aren't any good guys. GMAFB
sherap~ thanks for the comment.
Tom~ Great point about being harder to be good than bad. That is a very strong point for the good guys! You bring up some good thoughts- thanks for stopping by.
almost gals beside me was attracted, even when i wear a bad style
I think a good girl or boy is always good..irrespective of any choice, even i feel that good one can go for bad for some experiences seems strange or exiting, but whole life intelligent will not devote for it.
moneycop~ you make good points- thanks for stopping by and reading.
izettl- i read most of ur comments ..not all but i found them really true and from your heart & so this made me to follow u...u are also welcome to my pages.
moneycop~ thank you. I've read some of your hubs and enjoy your topics
Women like jerks because the worst thing that can happen in a relationship is boredom.
Men, if you want to learn about woman, read my hubs.
R
Good point, but after years with bad boys, I welcome boredom any day.
izettl,
Somehow I do not believe that. Nobody wants to be bored.
R
Boredom is much easier to overcome than the ups and downs of being with a bad boy- he gets in a fight, he's in jail, he blew all the money, he cussed out his boss and got fired, etc etc. Yes, I'lltake boredom over those kind of "thrills" any day. The ups are great, but still I can't say they outweigh the bad, now that i'm a little older and wiser to consequences.
It seems to me that the "good" girls don't seem to know themselves very well. If it takes a "bad" boy to make you feel sexy, alive or sought after than the problem seems to be her self-image which translates to seeking someone else to bring some excitement into her life. My advice to the "good" girls...get a life!
Beth~ love your advice to good girls- so true.
thats totally me... i was dating a bad ass.. everything in this article is true :/
Thanks for stopping by Sam.
Bad boys go after good girls that's why good girls end up with bad boys. Good girls are as exciting to him as he is to her.
Just my opinion, I once had a bad boy but I married a good boy that looked like a bad boy.
Enjoyed your hub.
moonlake~ they are both a challenge to each other. I can see your point. THanks for stopping by.
I Am 11 And A Bad Boy Though I Hate The Term "Bad Boy" It Sounds Stupid Anyway I Disrespect All Mean Unreasonable Teachers In Class And Never Do What They Ask Me To And Yet I Still Have Good Grades I Make A Lot Of People Laugh But Sometimes Just Stay At The Back I Love Discos Because I Can Show Off My Dance Moves But Sometimes I Am A Really Sad Looking Guy I Smirk And Don't Smile I Wear A lot Of Black But I Have Too Much Of A Light Mood To Be Emo Or Goth I Love People In General So I Guess I Have Mixed Personality And I Have Long Black Hair. Front: To Nose. Sides: To Bottom Of Head. Back: To Shoulders. My Hair Is Usually In Eyes And I Refuse To Get A Haircut. If There Are Any Girls Reading This Do I Seem Attractive?
more proof society contains a bunch of hypocrites. why dont people just accept and say " yeah we like bad people". instead when someone gets arrested for assault they so "oh my god hes so bad thats horrible" what do you expect? hes what u wanted stop complaining. moral of the story is women want everyone else to be nice except for their boyfriend. this is why you gotta just stop caring and make sure to cause as much damage to this retarded society as possible and make sure to enjoy watching the divorce rates skyrocketing. we do not forgive and we do not forget.
rhodes~ yes, human nature tends to lean toward thoughts or actions of bad or temptations, but there are more good than not because society still has some order to it- more people obey than not, more people are good than not. I have to believe there is good because I have kids.
Teacher Hater~ this isn't a dating sight so why the ad!
Well interesting and thought out hub! I very much enjoyed reading this hub
THank you so much BizGenGirl!
Good girls really do luv bad guys and most of the time its because they don't see through whataever bad boys lies. At some point down the road the knight in the shining armour facade fades and the now naive "good girl" graduates and sees right through him.
reeltaulk~ you're right most good girls eventually get to the point where they see right through them. I think it provides a little excitement and we all have that immature need to act out sometimes, but we grow out of it and even some bad boys eventually grow out of being bad...but some certainly don't and some women continue to screw up their lives going for them after learning their lesson. Thanks for stopping by.
i married my bad boy.. he was a good man, and we were married for 27 years... but he was a tough bad boy.... dont want a goody two shoes thank you very much..
Way to spell that out!! I just read about...me lol. The phenomenon on both sides really does need to be more openly accepted rather than criticized. It's the flippin truth!
I always fall for bad boy who drink or do drugs and have two girlfriends and one time but not to long ago i meet a good boy he told me he liked me and i like him to i hope we start to date soooo i dont ever want to fall for a bad boy there just something about them that i like but know i have a good boy!!!! THAT IS A GOOD THING=))
i was in love in a bad boy named SEBASTIAN and now after 4 years i always remember him .I LOVE SEBASTIAN
all i got to say is...johnny depp is GORGEOUS!!!! :-)
YOU EVENTUALLY GET SICK OF EM
izettl, if I may, I would like to pose a very important question directly to you.
For the past two years, I've been following your work on this subject and your remarks, and I will say that I have never met a candid woman in my life who was willing to spill the beans on what's causing these ills the occur in our society with women and finding men. I, like many who have posted on here over the course of two years, can attest to maybe 70% of the stories on here, and by reading these comments, has only confirmed my suspicion.
I'm what they would call a "good guy". I'm 23 years old, and I'm goal-oriented. Graduated college with honors, currently working on my master's and I have a full-time job while in school working in the federal government. I don't waste time when it comes to opportunities, and typically feel that I do not balance my activities as I should. It's more of a 90-10 ratio more leaning towards enhancing my professional skills to a social life. Much of this became this way after I left college, but even then, I wasn't much of a partier per se. I avoid drama at all costs and am very selective of my friends. Some may say I don't have many, but I have my share of them.
In relationships, I have always know to be what they call "husband material." It took me awhile to understand what this meant until I had to see it the hard way (getting cheated on, the girl calling the relationship off just to be with that "bad guy" she's been talking to for 2 years, or to not even get any attention). I've been through all of that, and realized that "bad guys" get the most play because they are so "unique" and "unpredictable" and women like that, and don't like boring "good guys", and the whole sha-bang. I get all that jazz, but what intrigues me most is how they condemn "good guys", but describe their typical guy they want as a bad guy, and I get told that I am too good for them right now. Many see me as the type who is ready to settle, and there is no girl who is ready at my age. Not saying that I am ready, but at least I want to get to know a person well before I decide to marry them (which I look to 27 or 28 years old). For some reason, my niceness is not enough for them. It just blows me away how they talk about how bad they are treated by a bad guy, but fail to seek good guys who, like me, will be loyal, supportive and honest. I just don't understand the philosophy. I know some women in my age group are not quite "mature" or ready to commit in a relationship, but can I come across at least ONE woman who thinks like I do and actually accepts good guys for who they are and not label us as boring individuals?
Anyway, off from my tangent, izettl, after reading your comments, you said you once were, or are still a woman who seeks the bad guys, and your perceptions have changed over the years. Well tell me, the girls who left me seek the bad guys, will there be a definite moment in their life that they will reckon that they may have made a mistake leaving a good guy for fools that the relationship didn't last? Will they one day feel guilty about the mistakes they made and actually develop regrets? Did you when you went through life?
I ask this because I find a good portion of women in their early to mid 40s who are single and never been married, but have kids. I mean, is that what the future holds? Are marriages fading out all together? Or do these women realize they made a mistake and actually might come back to some of the good guys they left?
Thanks in advance for your incite on this. I'd like to see what you think and others on women who finally regret they wasted their time with "bad guys" and neglected the good guys. Look forward to your response.
Thanks,
Craig S.
nd considered him a man who helped me get through some issues and he gave me some good ideas !!!! So i gave this bad boy my thumbs up :)So i thought.... then the day came when i decided to start dating again, well what a disaster that was..lol... Every guy i talked to, was about him.... my sob story the story of what happened and why... and things i just didn't understand or remember for some reason.... very strange.. so i gave no one really a chance to know me, I made many friends, but i couldn't see myself loving anyone... this was outrageous, me little miss naughty her self trapped in a love affair with this bad boy that no longer existed in her life....The tears would flow day and night too... And i must say i had so many guy's chasing me and asking me out!! I even had a man waiting for me to get of a plane to greet me and ask me for drinks and another man a sports medicine doctor flew into Logan for one night to see me... and I was like no no no, sorry but i have feelings for this other man...lol... God it made no sense.. he just used me because he wasn't free for a while.... he was getting all my messages from my damn phone that got a glitch in the system so he new more and more about my feelings and that was so so embarrassing to say the least... I was a mess screwing everything up.. I had him on speed dial for Christ sakes... and shit went to his phone.. OMG !!! I kept digging myself a deeper hole... I have never been easily led by any guy I did the choosing and i always liked a man who had a little dark side to him, a little mysterious and clever and witty and street smart, daring.. you know what i mean... but i also like every type man, I find them all so interesting .... But no matter what kind of person i may seem talking like this... I'm a loyal women a one man women... the cheerleader behind him rewarding him in every way I can... trying to always build him up in everything he does or wants to do in every way... a faithful women no matter what !!! Plus I'm not the jealous type and I'm very friendly too, wear my heart on my sleeve... so that part of me is easy.... But in the end he didn't want to be friends with me, and I was sad over that.. I enjoyed his friendship and he made me laugh..lol.. One thing that I learned is Bad boy's are bad for a reason !!! and why we are compelled to want them is ONLY because of the chase and the taste of him on the tip of of your tongue... I myself the sexual seeker, the miss independent was fooled... Played and my ego was wounded.. well that is the female emotions in me.... I learned that there is more to a man than just looking for that rush, that chase, that tone or look in his eye... I see so much more in men now than i ever have....great things that put them above many of their kind... a sexiness i never saw in other men... a player or bad boy will never achieve this level inside of him or outside of him... See I was born with class and charisma, men who are bad and players really have to learn that trait, train them selves sorta speaking... act younger, pretend they are listening to you, as they scope the room and you see him do it and brush his disrespect off your shoulders, really this man is about himself, his own needs, his own pleasure really, because deep inside he wishes he was half the person we are.... I feel bad, and don't want his life to be like that, how could he truly believe that's the way he wants to live... I think he wants to be softer inside and more loving inside, but can't or lost it along the way !!!! I'm the type of person that only recognizes the good in people and debates the bad till all i see is good.. that is not always a good thing ...lol...I've always thought of myself as a lover not a fighter, so i tried not to bother him... I text a few times and emailed him to ask why .. he replied once or twice that we had no problem and he was busy working and we were cool.. But i felt played and i think he was with several woman at the same time... I'm sure some men will be like awesome, however that life comes to a screeching halt, trust in that !!!!It will come back to haunt him, even if he does good deeds for every woman he messes with...I truly don't wish that on him or anyone, but it sadly will happen!! Ladies I have lived through so many experiences that i would need years to write, but this little feeling inside didn't happen to me ever, even in marriage...So take my advice, step back access the man first, look for what you want in him, not just the lust part... I don't believe in instant attraction on a first date, even with sex the first time can you truly believe you gave everything you wanted, no way... you think it but don't do it all ... But i do believe in LUST at first site and on a first date for sure so watch out for these differences, you will be better for it.... however if you just want to have that for one night then take it !!! they do... but do it with your feelings in mind, and believe for that night with his feelings in mind even if he doesn't feel it for you... believe he did and move on... don't get caught up in the unreal, forsaken love gets you nothing but pain and insecurities you may never had in the first place....
why o why white people obsessed with being a bad boy? i mean are only bad boys are white? what about all niggas and mexicans behind the bars? just realised being a bad boy is big thing to white folks.
oo i gust bec. girls need love in her life or what ? :)
oo i gust bec. girls need love in her life or what ? :)
Wow, what a black and white, and basically negative view of men. So men are divided neatly into 2 discrete camps, "good", and "bad"? What is this, Star Wars? I suspect everyone has their own definition of what they mean by these terms, and ultimately every person is a mix of qualities -- some of which one person may consider "good", while another considers "bad". Many of the guys who are considered "bad" are what would have, in the past, simply been referred to as "men". These traits had adaptive value in the past, otherwise evolution would have wiped them out millions of years ago. Aggressiveness, decisiveness, quickness to judge, steadfastness, and strength are all traits that can get you ahead in life, even if they aren't always "nice" ways to be. Women admire these traits because they have VALUE.
Weak, soft, and submissive men are a relatively new phenomenon in human culture, made possible only by modern technology, agriculture, etc. While men with these traits can now also get ahead in life through academic advancement or intellectual prowess, there is no reason to believe women should gravitate towards them naturally. While this blog gives some explanation as to what makes "bad" traits attractive to women, it then demeans them and portrays them as essentially evil and to be avoided at all costs. But when that marriage to the good guy gets boring, guess who the women turn to to sleep with? The bad guys. It's only natural.
A guide to understanding guys...by a guy. link: http://wriben04.hubpages.com/hub/TheGuidetoUnderst
Very intruiging hub by the way, thumbs up! :)
I used to b a typical nice guy. Few months back i met a player bad girl, n got thoroughly played n manipulated by her. Since then hav learned to cultivate bad guy characteristics into myself,. N let me tel u its great n m now havin 3 girls at d same time n dont care abt how i got hurt in d past
Most women are naturally drawn to the "alpha male". It is a biological fact. There are however some women who really do find that type of man obnoxious and unattractive. I do speak from experience and have been in relationships with some of these types. However they are not your typical people, they tend to be more artistic sort of hipster type girls (think Zooey Deschenel etc). Many of these types of girls actually like guys who are quiet, shy, awkward and generally uncomfortable in social situations. These are the types of women the so called "beta male" needs to pursue, they are out there ( if you live in cities like LA, San Francisco, Portland etc they are everywhere) just make sure you dress well because these girls like guys who are stylish, no designer jeans baseball hats and flip flops. If you are a nice guy like me you will probably have no luck with most women, just don't give up there are women out there who will appreciate qualities like intelligence, creativity, sincerity and kindness.
Population of bad girls is more than the bad boys in any country take note.
i am totally in love with john bender from the breakfast club for all these reasons, he is not a nice guy but the totrued soul vibe has me hooked
Caz K/ Craig~ First of all thank you for following so long and I apologize for not getting back to comments quickly as I've just had a baby.
Anyway...many women suffer self-esteem issues. I feel like an extremely confident woman but I know I had esteem issues in my 20's and wanted bad boys who didn't necessarily treat me good. Any time I met a "good" guy I didn't believe I deserved to be treated that good. I also felt like I could never repay the good guy with as much kindness as he showed me. I left a completely great guy because I didn't feel like I had enough to give back to him. I did not know there were people out there who were genuine givers and like to do nice things. I had come across so many guys who gave but expected something in return. I left that good guy and even now that I'm married and it's 11 years later, I still regret leaving him. So yes it's possible women will regret leaving a good guy.
There are so many factors as to why women seek bad boys- one being popular male movie characters have bad boy traits. Another like I mentioned above is women have self-esteem issues and feel they don't deserve what a good guy has to offer. My only advice for good guys is to taper back and not give everything right away- give a little at a time.
I plan on writing another article similar to this topic about whether women need men- but it's not as bad as that sounds. A lot of things are changing in our society and guys in general are being put aside by women.
Take care
Laura
Francis~ thank yo ufor yoru input- very well stated.
Mohsin~ so rathe than hate the game- you play it. INteresting...
Nice Guy~ good points!
3-4 years ago (when I was 17) I have realized that I have a small penis of 3.5 inches.
At almost the same time I started reading PUA materials about evolutionary psychology and realized that I am a hardcore beta male that is not good enough for young females.
Since then I have started reading more materials on this topic and started listening to Tom Leykis. And I understood that I actually am unneeded.
I also am obese (I weigh 300 pounds) and, although I have started to workout and I had lost about 40 pounds, I had realized that this surely will not be enough because of my introverted intellectual nature that is not prevalent among women combined with my and small penis, and I stopped working out and gained back those 40 lbs because there still is no use to even try regardless. I am THAT screwed.
After reading this article and almost all comments on this article, my skepticism towards women are starting to get cemented... I mean, there surely are legitimate reasons for girls not to like me, because I am obese. But there are other qualities that cannot be changed.
1. I am obese (300 pounds). Now, of course, this can be changed, but... do I really need to do so...? because...
2. I have a small penis (3.5 inch), which surely cannot be changed. I have read about how to make up for it, but the thing is that oral will NEVER change the real deal. Also, when one of my female friends accidentally saw my penis and bursted laughing, it became self-explanatory how females are thinking about it... And I honestly don't want to be cheated on or cuckolded...
3. My MBTI personality type is an INTJ, which translates into intellectual perfection, thinking globally and towards future. None of these traits are valued by females my age (I am 21 years old). And I don't really want to be a virgin in his late 20s who would be a target to become a meal ticket...
So, now, the only reasonable way for me to actually get laid (I'm a virgin) is to wait for my female friends/peers to mature after finishing having sex with other, more worthy (in their eyes) men and, when they will be in their 30s, they will allow me at a very high financial and emotional cost to have what other men already had with significantly much less effort and cost... and that is sex/affection/love... Hmm... Do I really want that at these kind of circumstances?
Especially when:
1. Female infidelity ratio is very high (so is male, but I detest cheating men too, so I am fair).
2. About a quarter of nice guy men are raising illegitimate children (including both - knowing or unknowing nice guy husbands).
3. The divorce rate is 60% of whom 75% (45% of all marriages) are being initiated by women.
4. Courts are favoring women in the Western world immensely and my own future and pension could be harmed by this. No fault divorce and bias against men can make me lose most of my assets even in the situation of my would-be wife cheating...
So, do I really want that? I have read a little evolutionary psychology and I have come to conclusion that evolutionary all women are prostitutes because they exchange their fertility for resources and protection. So, looking in this sense, I see real prostitutes to be at least honest... And, in many cases (especially when divorce is being held as well), prostitutes tend to be cheaper (riskier, though) than "relationshits"...
So, looking at this from my explained angle, hiring prostitutes is a more logical thing to do...
Thanks, izettl, for helping me to come to this conclusion. I really want that this situation would be different. And, if there weren't my college roommate in the room, I might even cry. It indeed is damaging to the self-esteem to really understand that you are inferior not only to alpha males, but to most beta males as well (my penis size, which DO matter, don't even try to lie, is in the bottom 0,1 percentage).
So, yea. I guess, prostitutes is the way...
Recovering nice guy~ Well when you look at things from that perspective geesh not sure if you have personality going for you either. If everything boils down to your penis size then life will suck (no pun intended) for you. real prostitutes probably have a few more mental issues and STD's than other women so don't see how your comparison works. Not every woman is the same. I have my Psych Degree and some grad work accomplished and I know better than grouping everybody into one category or the other so don't base all your conclusions on women all being the same. Forgive my sense of humor but try losing weight and your penis may look bigger. I have honestly known many bodybuilders who have small ones and get plenty of girls but that's because they have high self-esteem and take care of themselves. When you take care of yourself it shows others they can care about you. I wouldn't go for you based on the fact that, at 300 lbs., you are obese and could die so why should someone go out of their way to care about you if they could lose you to death by obesity.
Just some thoughts....
You are right: my personality is no longer that "nice-ish", hence the name "recovering", as in "recovering from a nice-guyism". And the perspective I am looking from is actually very valid and real, because it is formed through science and some experience. I hope you are not suggesting to look at it with other perspective and self-fool myself. I mean, this is what you might want we do, but come on...
When it comes to pleasure girls, well, you are right - they indeed do have more issues and risks. But, you see, a common wisdom says that "if something's for free, it usually costs more". I am talking about the illusion that sex with a girlfriend is "free". It is not. And I am not talking about financial fees only.
When it comes to losing weight, it is a major issue and my problem, no doubt about it. And I know I could lose weight if I tried (because, as you know, I've lost 40 pounds). But, speaking from the perspective of getting female attention, what's the point? I mean, my personality is not edgy enough; I am usually called an asshole (what now I receive as a compliment, actually), but, as heartiste (one of the PUAs) have written, I am a "caring asshole" as I know I would care about my closest friend and, if I happen to have, girlfriend. But there's a problem: the "caring" part. It is really really boring and underappreciated be females my age. And I don't really want to miss out on all the careless action and get only responsibilities and much less action with leftovers... Besides, because of my small penis my chances that a girl would stay with me after I am done with that "asshole" part and slipped into "caring" part (which would happen pretty quickly) become even slimmer as I would become a boring nice guy with small package. That would be even more pathetic than what is that females on this blog were commenting about nice guys. I doubt that any self-respecting man wants that.
Oh no, I think I am dating a bad boy right now. Sigh. I am living a cliche. Oh well. I will see where it takes me. This is a really interesting hub and thanks for sharing!
"...typically the good girl picks the bad boy because of how he makes her feel; fascinating, needed, pursued, and good."
I have to take issue with that assessment, somewhat. If being needed and doted on is what women want, then why do they typically reject the nice guys? Most of whom give her all the attention and praise she could ever want?
And, if anything, it's been my observation that the bad boys treat their women like dogs---that is until the relationship is threatened and they have to pretend to be sorry to keep the girl from leaving his stupid ass. And she usually falls for it.
I should know because I ran with bad boys all through my youth and I live and work among them in an area where bad boys proliferate.
Let's be truthful here: "Bad boy" is just a romantic euphemism for "irresponsible." And personally, I think women like them for the drama. Let's face it, nice guys tend to be predictable and therefore boring. But, when it comes to paying the bills and remembering anniversaries, you can't beat a nice guy.
Trick is, to find a nice---responsible---guy who likes adventure and isn't afraid to take risks. And I think that's what you had in mind.
Excellent and challenging hub---up and interesting!
Great hub. I used to love the bad boy then I got tired of the same old. Now the good guys are refreshing and not a hassle. :)
Thank you carolinemd21!I think most girls eventually tire out of the bad boys.
Jeannie~ uh oh you're in trouble, but I know it's fun to see where the relationship goes.
To Recovering Nice Guy,
We as conscious, sentient beings have an extraordinary ability to influence the outcome of our own futures. Like attracts like, and if you only dwell on the negative things about yourself and about life in general then all you will ever know is heartache and despair. The first thing you must do is lose weight. The mind, including your emotional state, doesn't function as well when your body is that far out of balance. Exercise can be extremely satisfying once you get into a regular routine, it is no longer work for me, I enjoy running and hiking very much. Secondly, Tom Leykis is an idiot. His business and that of others like him, is one of lies, misinformation and dissemination of negative ideas and energy for the sole purpose of influencing people to accept their materialistic view of the world. I know it is very difficult when you are young, to believe in any of this type of stuff but it is all true. The most important thing that people must do is stop forming all of their views on people and life from television shows like Jersey Shore etc. and jerks on the radio like Tom Leykus. Yes many people in the world, men and women, are shallow and only concerned with physical appearance and traditional male/female character traits, like men who are macho, arrogant "alpha male" types etc. There are however, many people who look much deeper and appreciate inner qualities like compassion, creativity and sincerity. As you get older if you put yourself in the right situations, you will begin to meet people that defy all of the preconceived notions that you hold about what people are and what they like. Believe it or not, there are women out there that could care less about the size of your penis. They would however be greatly concerned about your negative view of yourself and the world. You need to expand your horizons and perhaps your interests to meet the right kind of people. Do not form your opinions based on people on TV or the kids you went to high school with, that is not the real world. Meet people at college, outdoor activities/clubs etc., if you live in a city there are many activities in the arts - music, theater etc. where you can meet some extremely interesting and open minded people. Learn to play a musical instrument if you think you are up to it, I have met the most unusual group of people from my collaborative musical endeavors, playing in bands, playing shows etc. .Meditation is also one the best things a person can do to improve their overall mental and spiritual well-being and awareness, it changed my life. The world is an extremely strange, complex, and diverse place, you cannot imagine the types of people that you might meet until you go out there and experience it with a positive attitude and an open mind.
Yes Francis I agree on a lot of this!
RECOVERING nice guy~ Also it depends on who you are trying to attract in your life. some guys only go for shallow superficial (beautiful) girls.The guys I know that have a hard time with finding a "good woman" are choosing floosies or women who are out of their league, so to speak, or just choosing women who are not right ofr them.
I dated an overweight guy and he was so negative about himself I couldn't stand it. To the public he was outgoing and nice and once I got to know him, he was not really that way- he put on a show for the world of being this great guy when deep inside he was not. What may be turning people off is your negativity and even if you don't think you're coming across that way, people will pick up on it. Like I said this guy I dated was a salesman and very confident in his work and with people, but getting to know him, he was a mess. You must take care of yourself before you can take care with anyone else. I've also dated a guy with a small penis and would be with him- believed he was my soulmate if he hadn't had had a drowning accident. I am a decent looking woman, decent body, and I can tell you I don't judge on things liek penis size (you must be referring to superficial women or what you hear on tV shows), but I did like dating someone who was more positive and cared about themsleves. Congrats on losing this much weight so far. It's not easy. I've had to lose almost 40 lbs twice when having my two children.
CHARLES HILTON~ The needed is misunderstood. Nice guys actually make a woman feel like there is nothing we can do for you that would top what you can do for us. A bad boy has issues- sometimes issues with the la, and mostly psychological. He needs to be fixed and women believe they can do that. They love a good project. That's the way we feel needed. Nice guys don't need us, they're already nice and sane. lol. But bad boys need us.
Anice responsible guy who likes adventure would be great! Not many out there.There's more bad boys out there to choose from than good guys who like adventure.
What you're saying is too often true and I've seen it in some women---who then complain that they're taking care of another child in addition to their actual children.
It's the old tale of the man wanting to essentially marry his mother and the woman wanting a man to be a mother to. But, that's not how a marriage---or partnership---should work. If a woman or man wants a project, then get a hobby! lol
At least a hobby doesn't cause the stress and eventual heartbreak that a bad relationship does. And if women need an adrenaline rush, there's always skydiving and bungee-jumping and various dangerous careers---none of which require a boyfriend.
In other words, save the drama for outside the relationship---except in the bedroom. The bedroom should be full of adventure.
A relationship---like a home---is supposed to be sanctuary, not an insane asylum.
May you find success in avoiding Mr. Wrong. ;-)
Charles~ you bring up wonderful points. Too often women who don't have children have that desire to care for something...and I say get a dog. lol. or a hobby like you said. After my experiences with bad boys I did get a dog and took care of him instead.
Anyway, yes I had my experience with a bad boy or two, but I married a reformed bad boy and glad I never knew him during his wild years. He's had to learn some hard lessons, but glad he did. I hate drama so I agree with you on that one. Some women are attracted to drama and bad boys make great talk with other girls.
Too many women get trapped with bad boys- it's like a roller coaster and most of the time it's too good to leave but too bad to stay.
For me personally many men I knew were not good at showing real emotions and bad boys were. I preferred seeing the anger or hurt in a bad boy versus a nice guy's generosity. Always look at the relationship between a girl and her father. My dad never showed emotion, especially anger and he mostly bought me things which meant love. I met so many nice guys who bought me things and I was turned off by it, but a bad boy who was willing to fight another guy who looked twice at me, now that was love to me. It showed emotion and I craved that.
Thanks for a great conversation on this. I think you are completely right about a nice guy who knows how to have fun and adventure is ideal.
Laura
Francis, a lot of wise words you have said. On paper. You, however, are right about losing weight. The thing is - I no longer am motivated... What's the point? Hardly anything will change...
To be honest, I have found out that Tom Leykis is telling the truth, actually... Whatever he is saying about marriage, the "bad boy crave", divorce and all that, has been confirmed one way or another. Hell, even my grandmother, ISFJ (her personality type), that is the most caring person I know of, has told me that she married her last husband(she was then in her early 40s) just because for his place of living... I was shocked - I knew what she told was honest... She also told me that she had cheated on her husband a couple of time because he had a small dick. Since I know her, I know she was telling the truth... And also, she told me that when I marry, I should ocasionally check on my future wife as she might cheat on me or use the money in a non-efficient way. Considering this is coming from my relative... my bitterness towards women is more than understandable.
When it comes to positivity, izettl, it is very difficult to have any of it when your efforts are not appreciated. I mean, when you really become self-conscious of what you really are worth for, you really just want to give up. I mean, at the age of (alsmost) 22, I am an obese virgin with small penis that can't drive and feels that he is surrounded by people who doesn't understand him. Now the only good thing about myself that I like is that at least I am one of the best in my studies. I study political science, which I love very dearly and where I know I am one of the top students knowledge-wise. This is the source of my self-confidence.
Also, "Nice guys actually make a woman feel like there is nothing we can do for you that would top what you can do for us" - this is exactly what I am talking about. You, females, always moan and whine saying that you want nice guys, but in reality you really don't... It IS painful to admit and accept that for me because that basically means that I for the very wast majority of females am practically worthless during their best years and will only become an option AFTER their best years are gone and they either have or want to have children and fast because of the "biological clock" ticking. Considering how "much" experience and careless fun with women AFCs (nice guys) have to remember by their 30s when they become an option for most women, and much "little" experience, that becomes part of their baggage, do women have, you really start wondering: do I really want to have an emotionally worn out woman, the leftovers so to speak, when I was not good enough for their types earlier? Hmm...
"A relationship---like a home---is supposed to be sanctuary, not an insane asylum." - these are wise words. And they this is what I deep down desire...
By the way, izettl, you say you don't like drama, but you prefer negative emotions to none and I believe you are contradicting yourself... Also, if this is an attitude of most women - "I met so many nice guys who bought me things and I was turned off by it, but a bad boy who was willing to fight another guy who looked twice at me, now that was love to me" - just wow... An act of kindness is less attractive than an act of violence????????
This raises another question: are Western women, majority of whose would agree with my quotation of your words, really a great catches after all? I mean, lets sum it up what Western women really are:
1. They are "liberated" - they gladly want to take perks that only males had 60 years ago, but they avoid all the responsibilities, such us asking a man out or go to the army... (and don't tell me - you know it's true)
2. They are way too entitled for good home, for good life and etc. A lot of work for maintaining these kind of entitlements...
3. They, especially in youth, dislike traditional feminine traits such as cooking, cleaning and etc.
4. They almost always tell us that we are like a bicycle for a fish - unneeded and unnecessary, and they are only putting up with us because of their "kindness"...
I don't know what about you, but I really want to be valued and to feel important...
Now, of course, you might once again say that not all women are the same and that when women become older, they are starting not to do these kind of things and all... But what these words of yours would imply...? They would imply that I should never give, try to meet women, get shot down many many more times and just WAIT for the right one?
Well, I don't know... My self-esteem is not limitless you know and when you get shot down 10 times because of being not exciting enough, you somehow don't really want to take the 11th chance... And also, when it comes to waiting - this also is a problem... Why should I wait to get something what others are getting right now in bigger quantities and higher qualities (female's youth)? Maybe I SHOULD go to prostitutes... at least they are honest and a "sure thing". You might as well say that getting sex from girlfriend is cheaper because it's free, but... It is a common wisdom that "the difference between costly and free is that free usually costs more".
By the way, my dick size is 3.5 inch with 3.75 girth. This is nothing impressive. And I don't want to get hurt...
Recoverng nice guy~ psychologically you are getting more attention by being negative so responding to your comments really isn't doing you any good. I met my husband when I was 29- I had been over the whole bad boy thing somewhere in my mid-20's. No, fighting and drama now turn me off. I would be extremely turned off if my husband wanted to fight a guy for me. That was love to me in my teens and early 20's. At age 36, and married for 6 years, that is certainly not love to me anymore.
I not only talk the talk but I walk the walk. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis (look it up- lots of pain and even deformity) My hands are killing me just typing this, but I do it anyway. I don't give up. Statistically speaking most people with this disease do give up on doing things and get depressed, but I perservere. My joints are swollen, I am not who I used to be a few years ago, but I've managed to take care of myself and my kids and still eat right and do the type of exercise I can, which is limited. I have not given up at age 36 so why are you giving up at age 22? A virgin til 22- geesh I was a virgin til 21. Girls your age are girls, not women yet. I wouldn't worry about your anatomy so much. By the time you reach your 30's you will find more women who want a man for his personality, which yours is very negative so you may not get a girl with your personality either.
You say you're great at your studies. Well duh! Because you put effort into them. You have confidence in that. Confidence, even if fake for a while, gets you far. How about doing what I did for a few years and do what I want and like and not worry about getting a partner. If your'e open one will come along. You're only 22! You amy have book knowledge but all you really know from life is what your inappropriate grandma has told you- she really shouldn't talk about that stuff. No wonder you have a negative outlook on women. I cared nothing for money and made my own until now I only work part-time because of my disability and my husband works full-time, but I take care of kids.
I have found love and a great husband even though I could have had a negative outlook on men. My dad, by the way, is a transsexual- he is fully a woman, but that's his choice and I'm not going to get all mental or negative about men because my dad is a woman.
Who cares what size your dick is!!!? Your negativity is a negative 3.5!
i have a friend who is somewhat overwieght and small dick- he was my best friend in high school. Well anyway...he got a Columbian woman to marry and he is happy. Other coutnries, your dick sixe is normal and maybe big so marry a non-western woman. PROBLEM SOLVED!
Thanks for the reply. It is really hard for you to even write, I appreciate your efforts.
You are right about marrying a non-western woman: www*dot*happierabroad*dot*com/ This as well as Tom Leykis, explains a lot about this possibility. The problem is that I myself am from a rather poor Western country (Lithuania), so my possibilities here are also very limited.
And who cares about my penis size? Well, me, my future-GF that won't be satisfied, her lover she would be cheating on me with and all of her close female friends that would be laughing with my future-GF behind my back.
After my sad-phase ended, I have re-read all of the convo and now I agree that you were right. My self-doubting at that time was a bit too negative. That kind of me surely will not get a good girl. Not only because of many physical factors, or factors of those girls' immaturity, but because that kind of me basically doesn't deserve a good, quality girl.
It's a shame, however, that most of quality girls by their 30s will be someone's left-over. But I guess I should be happy that anyone settles with me, no? :)
Recovering nice guy~ I'll let you in on a huge secret. About 85% (probably more) of women do not have orgasms during sex so penis size actually doesn't matter in that way. Women climax from clitoris stimulation and a penis doesn't really do that so learn how to use a vibrator on her or oral sex on her then she will be yours forever.
its better to meet a bad guy than to pick the good guy, which in the end will turn into diffrent one. good guy will not last long, they only love to pretend. but bad guy knows how to control everything. they feel inlove and they know how to give importance wid u.
what a piece of crap mark Whalburg come on
moh~ thanks for your insight- got somehting better? Mark Wahlberg represents the "hero" type of man played in movies. Try not to think too hard on that. THanks for the comment.
only the weak minded fall for the bad boys, the strong minded fall for the ones that have confidence but aren't negative. humanity = fail
goldentoad 3 years ago
I'm guilty.