Outfits Only a Runway Model Would Wear

The only reason I have ever picked up a fashion magazine is to laugh at the ridiculous runway outfits that somebody somewhere makes big bucks to claim this monstrosity of an outfit to be in style. I know I don't live in a fashionable or trend-setting area, like New York or L.A perhaps, but I do live in a place called reality where common sense and eyesight rule. It must be, seriously (and humorously), the biggest mystery to me where and who and what are wearing these outfits. If anyone can tell me, then I might be able to sleep at night.

This first outfit in dazzling yellow puts me in hysterics, but mostly with the endless Big Bird jokes it makes me think of: Bid Bird's love slave, Big Bird's love child, Big Bird sneezed, Big Bird lost 200 lbs on the Jenny Craig program and became a runway model, Big Bird called and he's looking for his feathers, Big Bird got a haircut and donated it to the Feed-a-model- foundation. OK I'm done, but just try and I bet you can come up with some good ones too.

Is it an evening gown? Is it a bathing suit? Is it a cocktail dress? Is it lingerie? No, it's tape. This is just silly- no wonder the model is wearing over-sized sunglasses, in hopes of not being recognized. That's one shred of dignity she'll never get back. And what is she wearing around her neck? Is it a horseshoe? Is it a hubcap? Oh...I give up! Hmm...did they warn us not to try this at home cause I have some duct tape.

In the words of Paris Hilton- "That's Hot". Not! This outfit gives the 80's a bad rep. I think spandex looked much better back then. And who would be silly enough to wear spandex without leg warmers? Somehow this outfit doesn't work. Maybe it's the color, but something just isn't right about it.

Whenever I want to look and feel my best, I put on a...garbage sack?! And a straw hat of course. Well I hope it's a good solid Hefty brand bag at least, because I'm sure the designer is charging an arm and a leg for this...ugh I really don't want to call it an outfit, but whatever it is. This reminds me of a homework assignment turned in at the last minute. I give credit to designers for being creative, but this was a last minute pull together from the trash. There was no creativity or thought process involved. The joke is on us if we claim this is artistic.

So if garbage sacks are for wearing, what am I supposed to put my garbage in? I'm confused!

Steal the show at the next funeral with this ensemble. It's daringly stylish and will put everyone in the mood for mourning. Make sure you can clear the doorways though, with the over-sized shoulder pads- borrowed from a football uniform it seems.

Final frontier here I come, after I make a stop at the funny farm for having witnessed this space age disaster. I'm definitely not interested in space travel if this is the new trend. Although, it looks as though the designer's intentions were an animal print theme, but got their inspiration from a colorful cockroach.

I just couldn't leave the guys out so here's one that will have you jumping out of your seat, asking where can you get it. It is the perfect outfit for lounging around the house, watching football on a leisurely Sunday afternoon. It'll have all the guys talking, because they're jealous of course. In fact, when you're done watching football, you could go play football in this outfit- it's so versatile.

Does this classify as business casual? Guys, you can go to work geek, visit the office shredder, and leave work looking chic. I'd be tempted to play some practical office jokes on this guy, like tying some of those pieces to his chair before he gets up. Then again, the joke's on him really.

And finally, a practical outfit. This is much better than those other ridiculous outfits- at least it serves a purpose. Being from the Northwest, we get our fair share of rain and I could really use a skirt like this one. This is an outfit that makes sense to me, although I'll make sure to wear my good underwear beneath it- apparently it's see through, just a minor detail though. Overall, the designer really had their thinking cap on with this one. I'm not sure why this isn't more popular in my neck of the woods.

I saved the worst for last and I'm actually speechless. I can't come up with a single joke for this outfit- it is the joke! I have seen drunk clowns with a better sense of fashion than this. Not to mention the model looks pissed she has to wear this.

Thank you for letting me get that out of my system. I can't stand runway fashion, even the less extremes drive me nuts because I've truly never seen those outfits on any normal person (or any psychotic person for that matter) in public so what is the purpose. I may never get it, but at least I have hub pages to vent.